Husband going out of town for work

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Husband going out of town for work
10
Thu, 05-20-2010 - 6:01am

I am not sure where to post this at.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 05-20-2010 - 12:04pm
Hi rxygrl,
Welcome to the board :)

Glad you did post here ..
Wow that is really going to be a tough time & sorry about that.
Honestly I think I would invest in the cheapest cell phone for you both.
That way you can communicate/talk a few minutes when you want.

Do you have family or friends close to you?
Will be important for you to stay busy.
That is a bit of time especially since you have not been apart much.
Have any pets you can hang out with

Please know we will be here for you.
If you need to whine or whatever ..

When is he leaving ?
Hang in there .. with a bit of luck time will fly :)


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Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
Thu, 05-20-2010 - 12:10pm

Welcome to the board. I'm sorry that you've come here under such difficult circumstances.


DH and I have been married almost 14 years. Three years ago, we decided to relocate from California to Colorado. I found a job first and moved in June to an apartment near my job. DH stayed behind in California to try and sell our house and take care of our garden and dogs.


We were fortunate that we had the option to see each other at least once a month while we were living apart. Either I would fly to CA or he would fly to CO. Between visits, we talked on the phone every night and emailed often.


In October (after 3 months apart), we decided we couldn't stand it anymore and DH moved here. We lucked out and sold our house in CA a few months later and bought a house here a few months after that.


I chose to see our experience as a positive one. I had never lived alone previous to that summer. I had gone straight from my parents' to college roommates to being married. This was a unique opportunity for me to fend for myself and develop my independence.


It will be more difficult in your case without regular voice contact but I still think you can make it work. Write letters to each other frequently. Keep a journal of things you want to be sure and talk about when he does call. Will his employer/personal computer allow you to use Skype? I haven't ever used it but I've heard it's great for being able to stay in closer contact.


Keep yourself busy while he is away. Make dates with friends, take a class, work on a hobby that never gets your full attention.


You might also check out the military spouses board or even look for books on the topic at the library or bookstore. Although your situation isn't exactly the same, there might be some similar strategies that you can use to get through this period of separation.


As for what people think...let them think what they want. When I talk about the summer we were apart, I used to go out of my way to clarify that we weren't "separated" by marital troubles or contemplating divorce; we were just living apart due to circumstances. And we found the path that worked best for us.


Good luck and post back to let us know how you are doing!


RoseAnn

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2008
Thu, 05-20-2010 - 12:46pm

As the wife to a man who is in the service I have spent about half of our 4 years together alone at home while he is out of the country. And this trend will continue till he retires which could be in as little as 7 yrs or as much as 17 years.


When my DH is at sea and out of the US in foriegn countries we dont bother with cells. Cell coverage varies from place to place and its not worth the price. We instead would use calling cards to call from the country he is in. Basically we had email contact only for most of the time he is gone, since a good portion of that time he isnt even near a phone he can use to call me.


<<<As time draws closer I am feeling scared and worried about being alone.>>>


Its perfectly normal and ok to be worried and scared about being alone. But...you also just have to deal with it. Because it is what it is and worrying all the time isnt good for your health and being afraid all the time can be

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Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Thu, 05-20-2010 - 1:14pm

I don't think it could be said better than this, on all points.

DH and I had a long distance relationship for most of our first 6 years together. I think we had been together for 10 years before we had actually spent as much time living in the same town as we had apart.

To add to the non-traditional-ness of our relationship, I moved for my job while I was pregnant and lived with my parents for 3 months until he could move too. And he has been a SAHD (by choice) for 15 years, which has been challenging emotionally and financially at times, but we still agree has been the best decision for our family.

As long as you two agree that this is the best option, who cares what anyone else thinks?

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Thu, 05-20-2010 - 3:00pm
Oh boy, first off, let me just say men think differently than woman, so I am sure this is not about him not loving you as much as him loving money. However, I'm going to throw some things out there. Is this money absolutely necessary? In other words, if he doesn't get the money will you foreclose on your house? I ask because for me I don't think the money would be worth it. I hate hate hate to say this, but I always hear of stories where loving, caring men spend time away from their families and end up cheating. Please don't kill the messenger. I am being honest. Men get lonely or sexual urges occur that are hard to temper. I'm not sure why people think you are splitting up because obviously it is just a job. Look into your heart. If you do not want to him to do, tell him now. Money is just green paper. Seriously, unless like I said you are in dire need.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Fri, 05-21-2010 - 3:02pm

There are people here who can relate much more than I, although, I just want to add my support. I hate when my Husband goes away overnight! I'm sorry your going through this, and I hope you can talk to your Husband through skype, or something. I hope you can work that out. I really just wanted to give you my support, and I too am sorry your coming onto the board with this situation. I wish you all my luck.

Hugs, * Robyn *

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p
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Sat, 05-22-2010 - 12:49pm

Thanks for everyones replies and best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 05-23-2010 - 9:29am
Good to see you here again rxygrl,
You sound better about this ..
That's great you have family & friends close.
Am sure having your son there will also help.
Will be nice to get ahead because of this job for DH.
Keep looking at all the positives.
Hoping time will fy by.
Look forward to seeing you here again & getting to know you :)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Tue, 05-25-2010 - 9:50am

I'm glad you'll be posting here, I'll be here for you, and there are a lot of other amazing women here to support you. I look forward to getting to know you.

HUGS!! * Robyn *

p
p
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 10:56am
Big (HUGS) and sending lots of P&PTs! It sounds like it will be a tough journey but just remember, you can always come here for some company! :)

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