I am not sure where to post this at.
Welcome to the board. I'm sorry that you've come here under such difficult circumstances.
DH and I have been married almost 14 years. Three years ago, we decided to relocate from California to Colorado. I found a job first and moved in June to an apartment near my job. DH stayed behind in California to try and sell our house and take care of our garden and dogs.
We were fortunate that we had the option to see each other at least once a month while we were living apart. Either I would fly to CA or he would fly to CO. Between visits, we talked on the phone every night and emailed often.
In October (after 3 months apart), we decided we couldn't stand it anymore and DH moved here. We lucked out and sold our house in CA a few months later and bought a house here a few months after that.
I chose to see our experience as a positive one. I had never lived alone previous to that summer. I had gone straight from my parents' to college roommates to being married. This was a unique opportunity for me to fend for myself and develop my independence.
It will be more difficult in your case without regular voice contact but I still think you can make it work. Write letters to each other frequently. Keep a journal of things you want to be sure and talk about when he does call. Will his employer/personal computer allow you to use Skype? I haven't ever used it but I've heard it's great for being able to stay in closer contact.
Keep yourself busy while he is away. Make dates with friends, take a class, work on a hobby that never gets your full attention.
You might also check out the military spouses board or even look for books on the topic at the library or bookstore. Although your situation isn't exactly the same, there might be some similar strategies that you can use to get through this period of separation.
As for what people think...let them think what they want. When I talk about the summer we were apart, I used to go out of my way to clarify that we weren't "separated" by marital troubles or contemplating divorce; we were just living apart due to circumstances. And we found the path that worked best for us.
Good luck and post back to let us know how you are doing!
As the wife to a man who is in the service I have spent about half of our 4 years together alone at home while he is out of the country. And this trend will continue till he retires which could be in as little as 7 yrs or as much as 17 years.
When my DH is at sea and out of the US in foriegn countries we dont bother with cells. Cell coverage varies from place to place and its not worth the price. We instead would use calling cards to call from the country he is in. Basically we had email contact only for most of the time he is gone, since a good portion of that time he isnt even near a phone he can use to call me.
<<<As time draws closer I am feeling scared and worried about being alone.>>>
Its perfectly normal and ok to be worried and scared about being alone. But...you also just have to deal with it. Because it is what it is and worrying all the time isnt good for your health and being afraid all the time can be
I don't think it could be said better than this, on all points.
DH and I had a long distance relationship for most of our first 6 years together. I think we had been together for 10 years before we had actually spent as much time living in the same town as we had apart.
To add to the non-traditional-ness of our relationship, I moved for my job while I was pregnant and lived with my parents for 3 months until he could move too. And he has been a SAHD (by choice) for 15 years, which has been challenging emotionally and financially at times, but we still agree has been the best decision for our family.
As long as you two agree that this is the best option, who cares what anyone else thinks?
There are people here who can relate much more than I, although, I just want to add my support. I hate when my Husband goes away overnight! I'm sorry your going through this, and I hope you can talk to your Husband through skype, or something. I hope you can work that out. I really just wanted to give you my support, and I too am sorry your coming onto the board with this situation. I wish you all my luck.
Hugs, * Robyn *
Thanks for everyones replies and best wishes.
I'm glad you'll be posting here, I'll be here for you, and there are a lot of other amazing women here to support you. I look forward to getting to know you.
HUGS!! * Robyn *