Identity??? What Defines You??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Identity??? What Defines You??
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 2:43pm

When I posted those questions about Marriage, the identity question fueled a lot of debate of what identity is, should be, or can be. So, include your marriage if you want to, but what do you think creates your identity?

Now, I'm not trying to start a fight, I just though all of our opinions would be interesting, since we all seemed to have strong ones! I thought this would be fun.

* Robyn *



Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 3:24pm

This could very well be one of those posts that I have to come back and keep editing due to remembering something or someone else's answers triggering something I want to add!

Off the top of my head, my identity includes, in no particular order:

  • female

  • mid-30s

  • daughter

  • sister

  • wife

  • step-mom

  • grandma

  • friend

  • daughter-in-law

  • college graduate

  • small-town girl

  • former Catholic

  • childfree by choice

  • music lover

  • animal lover

  • government employee

  • gardener

  • reader

  • cross-word puzzle solver

  • counted cross-stitcher
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2008
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 4:18pm

I am Christine, a formidable,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 8:20pm

Oh, I like this post, Robyn! I'll bet we can come up with a lot of different things! Yes, I am a married woman, but I am so much more than that. Here's what I have come up with:

Pushing 50
Kinky submissive (my sexual orientation)
Best friend to Samantha
Animal lover
Book lover
Belly dancer
College graduate (of three different colleges)
Rat (born in the Year of the Rat)
Inked (two tattoos so far)
Child-free by choice
Left-winged liberal Democrat
Music lover
Mover lover
Beach lover
Chronically ill
Chocolate lover
Military brat
December in a May-December marriage
"Lord of the Rings" fanatic
Role playing gamer

Like Rosie suggested for her own list, I'll probably have more stuff to add to mine!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 9:29pm
Love the question Robyn :)

I too have so many identities ..
And the list goes on
          Click & Join the fun!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 11:23am

Ok, an answer to my own question. I am educated through more than one college, and continuing my education in Psychology. I love to learn, on all subjects. I am very liberal, but I like to hear what people think. I love hearing others opinions, without disrespecting them. I am a very passionate person, and that passion is for my Husband, being a wife, but also for everything I do. Being a Wife is very important to me. Marriage is very sacred to me. My marriage is the most important relationship in my life. I am passionate about my friendships. I have many friends that I have known since I was little, two since I was born. I love my Mother and can talk to her about anything, I was adopted, but a am not sure yet how that plays into my identity, I was adopted at birth. I can count on my Mother, and I love her as my Mother, and my confidant Besides my Husband these are the most important relationships to me. I don't have much family, and I consider a lot of my friends family. I was a good gymnast. I loved it, it was a great outlet for me, and I really miss it, I had to stop when I got pregnant. I had a Daughter with my Husband when I was 16, and she died a month, and one day later. Six days before my 21st Birthday, and three day's before Thanksgiving, my friend my Father died. I had a major break down. I think that both of those tragedies came out then. It formed my identity, who I am. I am stronger for going through this. I am who I am today for going through those things. I am Child Free By Choice, my daughter had a part in that, but not the whole part. My Husband and I are happy with our dogs. They are like children to us. I love to read, but don't get enough time too, I have a disability, but I will never let that define me. I love to journal. People think I'm funny. I love to sing. I wish I could learn to play guitar. Singing is an outlet for me. You can let all your emotion out in a song. It is such a wonderful way to express yourself. I am working on my song writing. I am also a Photographer. I don't do that as much as I'd like either. What I do love to do, and make sure to do every day is Yoga. It is an amazing and sometimes Spiritual Motivation. Very mind body connect. I'm very flexible from gymnastics. I love the meditation. I am a Christian now, or Spiritual. I was agnostic for a long time, and I have become more Christian, I would consider it Spiritual. I love my life, and there are a lot more things I want to do, and accomplish, and I want to do them with my Husband. I think all of these shape my identity, and I am not just a "Wife" I am a lot of things. A Wife being one of them, one of them that I love. It is part of my identity, but not my full identity. All of these things shaped and continue to shape my identity. I think that is all I can say for now, I may have to edit this!! I keep thinking of other things!

HUGS! * Robyn *

Edited 5/19/2010 1:41 pm ET by soontobemrs.beau

Edited 5/19/2010 1:45 pm ET by soontobemrs.beau

Edited 5/19/2010 2:10 pm ET by soontobemrs.beau
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 2:44pm
I am:
a Wife (over 2 decades)
a Mother (college Junior and 7th grader)
a Christian
a Math and Social Studies teacher (4th-8th grades)
a homeschooling Mom (starting my 8th year)
a part-time public school substitute (K-12th)
a college graduate (Bachelors of Science)
an adopted daughter
a sister
a friend
a former military wife (dh retired!)
an airline pilot's wife
a good cook

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 7:38pm

I think what you just wrote was very sweet (for a better word) and honest - I am sorry you have a disability - but we all have some sort of disability in some form or another.

I have no family left - when I lost my best friend, my mom - I was at a total loss - we get thru all our problems - life does go on



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2009
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 10:27pm

I like this post!

I am:

a true crime reader (I love you, Ann Rule)
a vanpool driver and rider (17 of us now!)
a birthmother
a mother of 3 angels
a wife
a mushroom hunter with a basket
a knitter
a crotcheter (just learning)
a validation specialist in quality control
a writer of SOPs and Work Instructions
a reader of the US Pharmacopoeia
a weeder of gardens
a singer in the car
a pee-er in the woods
a lazy hiker
a college graduate with two majors
a sexpot (at least I like to think so...)
an Excel guru (pivot tables are my friends!)
a former suicide hotline crisis worker
a woman with no TV (gasp!)


Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Wed, 05-19-2010 - 9:57am

I am a....

Catholic Christian
Parent & spouse
Daughter & sister
Employer & business owner
Lover of the arts

Most of the ways in which I define myself have to do with relationships. I'm sure that wouldn't have been the case 20 years ago when I thought of myself as fiercely independent, but as a wife for 20 years, parent for 18 years, and recommitted Catholic for 15 years, I can't see myself outside of my relationships with God, my family, and other people. I'll bet that 25 years ago (certainly 30 years ago) I would have thought that was really lame, but for me today, I think it is very beautiful.


Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
Wed, 05-19-2010 - 11:25am

That's exactly what I'm supposed to be doing now instead of goofing off on the internet! LOL