Just 3 months in...
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|Fri, 08-24-2012 - 12:28pm|
Just 3 months married, and already I feel so seperated from my husband.
I have been newly diagnonsed as mildly bipolar and I am searching for a job plus learning to be married..I am overwhelmed. I have turned to my girlfriends in church for advice, prayer and I have a therapist.
Lately I turn into a porcupine when he tries to hold me; I immediately put walls up and walk away or sternly say 'NO'. It's automatic, but deep down I want him to love me, help me.
I feel like it's just sex; it's not love. It used to be. Last night, I just wanted to sleep and he curls up to me, but I'm already on the edge of the bed and I just ball my body up in a way to see "don't touch"..he does not get it which then pisses me off and I yell 'NO' and he gets huffy and goes to the other side of the bed. It's like I have to get to that point in order to be left alone. He doesn't leave me alone at a simple 'NO'. I need other things besides just sex.
I had apologized earlier in the evening for being so defensive and said I will try harder; and his response was "I just don't want to be annoying".
I know I need to change and I am willing to do so, but I'm not the only one in this marriage.
I don't know what to do or say anymore. I just want to be quiet from now on so I don't do anymore damage.