In-Law Grievances

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2013
In-Law Grievances
Mon, 12-02-2013 - 10:00am

I have wonderful in-laws who have given me so much love and respect since I married my husband over 4 years ago. I have never felt like our relationship was anything more that being "in-laws"... if that makes any sense! I don't feel particulary close to my mother in law, father in law, or sister in law. It has often bothered me, but it's hard to move away from that. One thing that has always bothered me about them is how they always talk about their daughter, and rarely about their son (my husband). Examples of such are at family dinners when all we hear about is her day, weekend, life... never really asked about his or ours. It always feels like her life is far more important and/or interesting than ours and I often feel left out, but more so I feel bad for my husband who has to fight for some air time. What makes the situation even more... bothersome is my sister in law is newly engaged. I have no issue hearing about the wedding planning, but it's what is coming along with that bothers me. Some may say I'm jealous... or bitter... but I do not agree with either, there is no argument there. Today I find out that my in-laws would like to celebrate Christmas dinner with my sister-in-law's fiance and his entire family. For the fact that I'm Jewish, Christmas has never been huge for me, but I have always partaked in the festivities for my husband. To find out this year I need to celerbate with people I don't know... just makes me annoyed. Am I being crazy silly here? Perhaps there is slight jealousy for the fact that my family has never done anything like this with my in-laws. Perhaps there is a some feeling that my in-laws favor the fiance's family more than mine...

Ughhh I don't know. But I had to vent to some hopefully unbiased people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2004
Tue, 02-18-2014 - 12:36pm

My first thought was who initiated the two families having dinner together.  I have a sister in law that once complained to her mother that her husband's family was never included in any of the family celebrations.  My mother in law felt bad and guilty, until I pointed out to her that his family had never extended a welcome either.

My parents and in laws became friendly during the engagement period and on our first holiday as a married couple I entertained both sides of the family.  Quickly, it became a tradition to do celebrations together.  Have you or your family reached out to your in laws?

Secondly, perhaps your mother in law feels it is inappropriate to include your family in a religious celebration.  Talk to her.  Don't let things fester in you.