Lonely

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2011
Lonely
16
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 9:48am

Hi everyone. I have been married for 8 years and just went through a bit of a tough time with DH. Now he keeps reassuring me that he is happier as what we went through made us stronger but I feel so lonely. I lay next to him and cry silently. Can anyone relate, give me advice?

Pages

Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
In reply to: therapy
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 10:38am

Welcome to the board!

Have you considered rekindling your romance by planning special activities together? Date night, taking a class that you'd both enjoy; anything to get you both involved and engaged in conversation and mutual activity.

DH and I hit a rough spot around 8 years, too. We went to counseling together and that helped us quite a bit.

We have now been married over 14 years and are very happy and content together.

RoseAnn

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2011
In reply to: therapy
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 10:56am

RoseAnn,

You give me hope. We are in counseling and just started having fun date nights I guess I need to give it time. It does not help that I am an orphan with no family and DH is having warm cosy family times. I understand they are being supportive to DH but they excuse themselves to another room and I am left feeling terrible sitting all by myself.

Thera

Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
In reply to: therapy
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 4:04pm

I'm glad you're getting counseling. We did find it very helpful and I always recommend it to anyone who thinks they could use a fresh perspective on their relationship.

As for the family time, have you told DH how it makes you feel when they leave you alone while they retreat to another room? Family or not, that's potentially rude, unless they are participating in an activity that you are simply not interested in and even then it's not very courteous.

Are there any members of his family that you get along with well enough to get closer to? If you're able to schedule one-on-one time such as lunch, maybe the next family gathering would be more comfortable because you would have someone there who feels like a friend to you as well.

RoseAnn

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
In reply to: therapy
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 11:27pm
therapy wrote:

Hi everyone. I have been married for 8 years and just went through a bit of a tough time with DH. Now he keeps reassuring me that he is happier as what we went through made us stronger but I feel so lonely. I lay next to him and cry silently. Can anyone relate, give me advice?

Welcome to the board :)

Sorry you are feeling this way,
Have you tried talking to him about how you feel?
Counseling is another good option
Hopefully things will get better ..
Please let us know :)




iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
In reply to: therapy
Wed, 01-26-2011 - 10:53am

p
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2011
In reply to: therapy
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 2:16pm

I feel very welcome and want to thank you all for your support.

What happen after I married DH I found out he has avoidant personality disorder and so does most members of his family. I accept this and tried to make the best of my marriage. A few issues I tried to make the best off was getting very little support from him, always having to be on the ball about communicating with him and put up with him criticizing me for everything even in public. The biggest challenge he has never put me first, remember being an orphan I didn't know what it was like to be put first until I had my daughter. I cry everytime I think about how unconditional her love for me is.

We adopted two older children, girls they are my nieces. I went searching for family after losing twins in 2004 and found I had a sister, she was a struggling single parent and I offered to help I was very happy to have real family. The kids were 14 and 8 years old when we brought them to live with us. I had no idea what I was in for. Both children have been diagnosed with attachment disorder and have oppositional defiant syndrome. The problems began immediately, DH and I took a lot of parenting classes and counseling to be able to help them. Unfortunately DH's parenting method was to allow me to deal with everything, he wanted to be the fun parent. December 2009, after the 14 year old got kicked out of public and private school I decided to have her write her GED and attend beauty school. I was physically, emotionally exhausted and all the support I got from DH was "as parents we can't give up on our kids" He was doing very little to help and even blamed my handling of the kids for their issues. The oldest began running way in June 2010, she ran away 5 times twice she went to a facility that helped trouble teens and when she was sent home thinking she had been helped she ran off again. I finally sent her back to her Bio mom in November 2010.

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
In reply to: therapy
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 4:02pm

Wow so much for you to deal with & almost alone too :(
How is the counseling going now ?
Seems to me you were right about many things .. one having DH out for a while.
Depsite your young daughter she could still see/visit him.
Are you & your sister close at all now?
You should come first with your DH & he should be helping with the kid (s) .. no way not to.
Otherwise I guess see how you feel, how things go & seek advice from your counselor.
Good luck & please let us know how things are going :)




iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2011
In reply to: therapy
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 5:01pm

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
In reply to: therapy
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 10:40pm
therapy wrote:




iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2011
In reply to: therapy
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 11:30pm
From where you are sitting, tell me what you thoughts are honestly. I don't know if working on this relationship is worth it.

Pages