Married 2 months & scared

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Married 2 months & scared
Thu, 07-12-2012 - 1:55pm

We have been married for 2 months today.  I am not working at the moment although husband has a full-time job that does not break $50,000 and we have a dog plus renting a house.  I plan on finding a job asap, but I really want to get my master's degree sometime soon, but knowing I will have to take out loans keeps from doing so.  I was fornuate enough to pay for my undergrad degree so I have no debt, and my husband's parents, as a wedding gift, paid his student loans off for his MBA. 

I can't pay my phone bill.  I still rely on my parents for money, and I'm sick of it.  I'll be 30 in November and don't want to call my parents for money. My grandmother left me a trust which paid for college, but now I'm living off of it and it's going fast.  I have no financial know-how; I simply stuck my hand out and voila.  Now it is hurting me and I am just crying because I have no idea how to be on my own.

I don't know how to make a budget. I would honestly like to learn these tools and map things out and stick to the plan. 

I was/am a spoiled young woman; I know this and don't want to be that anymore.  I just don't want to be in debt. I have a goal of getting my master's in psychology, but how am I supposed to reach that?  My gpa in college was terrible; I was just trying to finish; so getting scholarships is not in my reach.  

How do I turn things around and not take it out on my husband?   A friend recommended we read Ramsey's book, Financial Peace and we are reading it now.

One thing I know I can do is cancel my gym membership that I am not using, but then part of me is like 'well, I'll be better about going since it is so close & I desperately want to lose weight and get healthier'..but we live right by great trails, have a lab who likes to walk.  

I'm just depressed which I battle and have battled for most of my life (reason college was so difficult and grades so low) but I WANT to be better, happy and in charge of my life.

I love to cook and try out recipes which leads me to going to the store too much because I have to follow the recipe exactly so I need the correct do you cook and try things out without living at the grocery store?

Please help me get control, Sarah


If anyone lives in Denver, any suggestions on local things would be great.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Re: Married 2 months & scared
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 1:47pm

Wanted to give an update for all:

I actually spoke up to my mom about money and was able to pay my bill in the nick of time, and that led to a very needed conversation with my husband about ways to save.  We are going to see about a better plan for both of us with our cell phones, and map out a budget.

I've started to get up and run our dog more and I cancelled my gym membership.  Guess I am really learning how to handle being married and finding what works for us and trying to cut the purse strings to my parents. I'm going to try and be easier on myself; I freak out when I don't feel in control and one of my biggest fears is putting us in debt.  I am not used to having to watch pennies, and I need to learn how to do so.

I emailed a school I'm looking at and was just honest and said here's where I stand academically, this is my goal, I'd love some guidance on how to reach it. I heard back a day later and said I just need to take the GRE and I could possibly be admitted under a non-degree status and prove myself and then possibly let in as degree seeking student!  Just knowing that I could get to my goal is very motivating. I've already pulled out my GRE book.  My husband knows this is something I am very serious about and I want to get it done before we start our family because I know I will never go back and reach it then.

Thank you to all who replied to my post. You gave me such wonderful advice, and it's really uplifting to know I am not alone in this world and it just started a real conversation with not only myself but made me speak up to my husband finally. 

I hope you each have a wonderful week/weekend. I'm sure I'll post again at some point, Sarah


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2011
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 1:55pm
>before we start our family because I know I will never go back and reach it then.

This isn't necessary true.
I married when my college degree was not finished yet and started my first job when the second child was born. Now when we have four children I started PhD.
It's just a matter of perception. In my world marriage and familiy comes first. Education and career advancments comes next.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 2:04pm

Kudos to you on the Ph.d!  That is great. What field?

For me right now, I just can't see myself trying to do a degree and be a mom. You're right, that could totally change though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2011
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 2:09pm
Yes, it's true: It is whole different story for a mother who have to be completely involved day&night.
My PhD is in ICT (telecommunications and computers) and I'm finishing first year just now.
Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 3:36pm

I'm so glad you came back to update us!

It sounds like you have opened up some great conversations with both your mom and your DH to work toward the goals you have and conquer your doubts and insecurities.

Marriage as a whole can be a huge adjustment so you have to give yourself time to settle in and figure out what works for you and be willing to revisit issues that may not be permanently resolved. You also shouldn't get frustrated if some issues are never resolved. I've been married almost 16 years and there are still things that we don't see eye-to-eye on. :smileywink:

That's great news about the school! I agree with the other poster about school vs. family. If education is something that is important to you, it will continue to be important to you and you will find ways to meet those goals. It doesn't hurt to strive toward having a degree before you have children but it's possible to do things the other way around. I have an aunt who got her nursing degree with 4 kids at home and my step-daughter is currently working on her degree with 2 kids under the age of 3. It's chaotic but doable!

Please come back and join in the more lighthearted threads! We'd love to get to know you!


Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 3:43pm

Thanks for the update Sarah,
Does sound like things are going much better.
Important to talk with Dh about anything & everything so to speak.
Glad that is going better & with your Mom as well.
Good on the schooling as yes that is important as well.
Hope you stop in again & let us know how things are going.
Also try to pop in when you can & join in our other conversations too :smileyhappy:

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Wed, 07-25-2012 - 10:35pm
It's nice when folks come back to update us. We were interested enough to reply to a post so we LOVE hearing about it :smileywink: