Married Couples Who Live Apart:

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Married Couples Who Live Apart:
8
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 10:12am

Is this a crazy set up? Or do you think it could work? Thought this was an interesting read and wanted to share. (I love the wife's little house)

Married Couples Who Live Apart: Separate But Awesome

Married couple Sandra and Todd Foster live in separate houses on the same property. Their profile in the Times verges on obnoxion (Todd's "man-cave??") — but their arrangement actually sounds pretty awesome.

http://jezebel.com/5572030/married-couples-who-live-apart-separate-but-awesome

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 12:41pm

Ok, I understand that couples need their own space. I have an extra bedroom, that serves as a closet, and opens from french doors, to the front porch. It's not finished yet, the porch still holds a lot of our Wedding gifts, but I have a chaise in my room, a TV, and the front porch, will eventually be an office, and leisure space for me. It is decortated to my likings, as is the extra room.

Beau has a setup in the basement, ( a man cave ) and he has a computer and TV down there. I have a laptop, so I can use it anywhere. That's his space, if he needs privacy.

Now, we live in a 2 bed one bath home, with an inclosed front porch, and a three season back porch, which we still need to paint. Then the basement, and Attic. The attic is storage. We have a small home, and make it work, where we have privacy, in different area's. We don't want children.

My point to this is that living apart, to me is not a true marriage. When you live apart by choice, It's a pretty clear sign that your marriage isn't working out very well. I do understand the need for being apart, That's why we each have an area in the house that is our own. We know that sometimes you have to have your space. Sometimes when Beau want's to be alone, not about me, just a bad day or something, he has his "man cave".

I could not even imagine living in different homes, even if they are on the same lot. It's living different lives. When our home was being remodeled, we had to stay in a one bedroom apartment, with three dogs. It was very crowded, not even a minute for your own space. Yes, we had little fights, but that's what we had to do.

I know some of us would say, oh, you know what a great idea. Although, as nice as space will be, to me , it's just not a real marriage, you would not have to argue, you would just go to your home. I do like our setup, each of us having some space, Beau is one of those guys who needs space, so, he'll retreat to his "man cave", if we have an argument, or if he's in a bad mood.

I know this sounds a bit clique, but we don't go to bed mad, we always kiss, and say "I love you" before bed. I know a lot of you may not believe me, but every night, we fall asleep cuddling, every single night, i fall asleep on his arm, at the least, and I find that bed time is when we will talk a bit, and just be together. Not always sexually. Just simply holding each other. I have never been able to fall asleep cuddling with anyone, besides my Husband. Bedtime is a time where we always connect.

I don't know how you could connect with one another, if you live without each other. Not everyone connects at night, but I don't get the living apart thing, even if it is on the same property.

In short, I suppose I am not a believer that this would work, or work and produce a happy marriage. It may be easier, although, that's not what marriage is about.

So those are my thoughts!

* Robyn *

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Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 4:15pm

It seems like an extreme way to get personal space, IMO.


DH and I lived separately during our transition from living in CA to relocating to CO. I had found a job but we needed to sell our house so DH stayed behind with the dogs until we couldn't stand it anymore and he joined me and we sold the house a few months later. All told, we were apart for just over 3 months with one of us travelling at least once a month to see the other.


Even in our current, conventional living arrangement, we each have areas that is our personal domain. I have a craft room where I can store projects, work on them and just escape to my stuff. DH has his corner of the basement all decked out for his online games.


RoseAnn

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 7:26pm
I don't know,
I mean like RoseAnn said ..
DH & I each have our own space here in our home.
The need for two separates ones .. not for me :)





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Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 1:03pm
I know a couple who lives in seperate houses.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Mon, 06-28-2010 - 8:22am

All told, we were apart for just over 3 months with one of us travelling at least once a month to see the other.


Wow, RoseAnn!

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Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
Mon, 06-28-2010 - 11:33am

It's funny when I think back on that summer, I don't remember specifically how we got through. I spent the evenings reading, watching TV, going for walks. We talked every night at 9 (when cell service got cheaper) so I always looked forward to that.


We also planned ahead to our time together; checking out new places in Denver or going to old favorites in California.


I think it was actually good for both of us. It reminded me why I got married in the first place! LOL I like alone time but I don't prefer living alone full-time. I had never lived all alone before. I moved from home to a college dorm to living with DH. That summer was my first opportunity to make all my household decisions on my own. Nothing groundbreaking but what's for dinner, what to watch on TV; those all took on new significance! ;)


We are loving Denver! The only thing I miss about living here is being within driving distance of the ocean. I grew up near the coast in Oregon and DH and I made an annual trip to the Northern California coast. Now we just have to plan for beach trips when we're in Oregon visiting my parents!


RoseAnn

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2008
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 12:30pm

I don't actually think they live apart. They just have separate hang out spaces...


Her little "house" doesn't have heat or indoor plumbing and is not livable in winter.


He has a big covered shed that is his "man cave".


They BOTH live together in the main trailer where they take their meals etc..


Anyway...separation for some is just part of life and their make-up as people.


My DH and I spend anywhere from a couple months to

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 1:39pm

Distance is to love what wind is to fire...it extinguishes the small but enkindles the great.


I love that!

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