My Female Friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
My Female Friends
20
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 6:53am

I put this on Happily Married because for the most part...I am.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: mc001
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 10:11am
Hi mc,
Nice to see you here :)

While this may not be a typical situation ..
If you feel it is innocent enough then yes do explain that to your wife .
Is there a reason she is not part of this group of yours ?
How often do you hang out with them ?
Are they too all married ?
Honestly I am not sure how I would react .
I guess it depends on the above answers.
Also how long have you been married ?

Hopefully others will share their thoughts as well :)




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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
In reply to: mc001
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 11:52am

Thanks for your reply...I'm pretty vexed over this.

Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
In reply to: mc001
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 12:05pm

I think, as long as your wife isn't being completely unreasonable (like saying you can't even *talk* to these ladies), you should do your best to respect her wishes. If it makes her uncomfortable that there is so much casual physical contact between you, make a concerted effort to reduce that.


Have you considered giving your wife an opportunity to meet these women? Set up an after-work happy hour and include spouses/significant others or host a casual get-together at your house so that your wife can meet them, put faces with names and hopefully learn that they don't have unscrupulous intentions toward you.


Sometimes just putting a face on an unknown threat can make it less intimidating.


I have no problem with my DH being friendly with his female coworkers but I would be uncomfortable to find out that they were hugging and touching on a regular basis.


Whether the women are interested in you is really a moot point as long as you are commited to your relationship with your wife and she understands that nothing would ever happen with any of these women.


RoseAnn

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2007
In reply to: mc001
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 12:49pm

>>Sometimes just putting a face on an unknown threat can make it less intimidating.<<

Right now they are like a ghost to her, they are unknown, so it can seem more of a deal than it actually is. I like the idea of having your wife meet these women.

I don't know if it's just me, or people my age, or maybe where I'm from, but I don't touch my girlfriends like you described so that's foreign to me and I would be uncomfortable to a certain point of how women touch my husband. The thigh? That's a little too close for comfort for me to be honest.

Siggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
In reply to: mc001
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 3:43pm

Wow, thanks guys.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
In reply to: mc001
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 7:04pm

Your first mistake was even telling her!


Women get jealous very easily - you have been married a long time


Dh & I own our business and work together everyday. He is a charmer and women come up to him and give a hug.

Denise

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: mc001
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 7:53pm
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2009
In reply to: mc001
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 9:46pm

I think you were perfectly innocent in your relationship with these women and your wife needs to forgive... Having said this, I think you need to realize that women are very complex (almost too complex for the mere mortal man) and that you need to stop the touchy touchy. The operative word in the first sentence was WERE. You're no longer innocent because now you know. You may not realize this but these women may be flirting with you because 1) they feel like you're "safe," 2) they feel like married men are challenges, or 3) completely oblivious that they're "flirting." Obviously, number 2 is the one that your wife is really worried about but number 1 and 3 also make her look bad.

What this boils down to is that it doesn't really matter if nothing goes on between you and these women, it's the fact that it insults her. When these women touch you/hug you/ whatever, it's like a slap in her face. Some of these women realize it and do it anyway (because they're devious jerks) and then there are some women that don't even realize that they're flirting. It doesn't really matter. You can be friends with women but it should have very distinct boundaries (with NO touching).

By the way, my friends and I don't touch that much... And we don't air kiss. In fact, I worked with a lot of chemical engineers at Pfizer and none of us air kissed or even hugged). Anyway, beware of women. Some of us are devious and we're all very complex...
-Jennie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
In reply to: mc001
Thu, 04-15-2010 - 6:12am

I've received a lot of advice, much of it similar and some giving me different perspectives.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
In reply to: mc001
Thu, 04-15-2010 - 12:08pm

Hey, sorry I didn't respond to this sooner, I've been away from the board, I had a bad fall. Let me say, I'm a "guys girl" I may like designer clothes, and purses, and all of that, but I have two BFF's. One is Peter, and one is Jen, and Jen is not emotional like a girl, hard to explain. Anyway, Peter and I are VERY close. He is dating right now, (I'm 29, and he's 30) and will not date someone if I don't like them or get along with them. He is close to my Husband, and we are very "cuddly". I'll throw my legs over him on the couch stuff like that. My Husband is fine with it, although, when we got together, I pretty much said the same thing, "You have to get along with Peter!". Beau and Peter do get along. Well. I honestly don't know if we would have gotten married if they didn't. I know that sounds weird, but Peter is family to me, I guess; As I've tried to explain to how close we are, I do have a few other guy friends, and Beau gets along with them, and does things on his own including Peter. I'm actually close with Beau's friends. Like I said, guy's girl.

I don't think you should have to stop seeing your friends, I think you'll end up resenting your wife for it. I think she needs to meet your friends. I think once your friends meet her, and embrace her, and say things like, "oh, we've heard so much about you..." she will warm up. I think her issue, is that she didn't know about it. To me at least, I would maybe feel like it was being hidden from me. As soon as you get that idea out of her head, she should feel better. That's what she has in her head, "Why didn't he tell me about this?". I would think. That would be my thought, even if it were an oversight, Beau and I talk about everything, that's a big thing to leave out, a group of friends? That would be my best advice. Oh, I notice this is at work, I forgot. I still would invite her to lunch or something. Don't stop seeing your gal pals though. I feel like I get you, because I'm a guys girl, and your a girls guy. I mean your at work, what's going to happen?! If you can't do a lunch with your wife included, just talk to her, She knows you.

To answer you question, yes, girls are very touchy! Touch of the leg, things like that, the greeting you describe, very normal.

Good Luck Hon, I think you'll be able to figure this out! !!!

* Robyn *

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