in need of advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2008
in need of advice
Mon, 05-02-2011 - 9:33pm

I'm in a unusual situation in need of some advice. I 'll start my story three weeks ago...... My husband started a new department at his job with in a couple of days a female co-worker gave him her number and flirting with him. He tells me all this. One day he tells me that this girl really wants him. She is also known for sleeping around. We start to think of our Threesome fantasy. We come to an agreement that he would start a fake relationship in hopes of convening her to do what we want. So he starts to text her go over to her place no fooling around goes on. What does happen is that she falls in love with him. My husband is wonderful he is a fixer well he starts to get to know her on an emotional level. He has no real feelings for her. Me and him are truly in love. I have become very insecure since this has started. Don't like that I have to share my husband didn't realize he would have to spend this much time with her. I demanded to meet her to see for myself what she feels for him. The deal has always been that if I don't want to continue this he would call it off. After meeting her I told my husband to end this because I couldn't. But thinking that night I have been through so much already to not continue. she has told him its not fair that I get so much time with him she wants him to spend a whole day and night with her. Not sure what I should do. I have told my husband that we need to ask her flat out if he gives her what she wants will she give us a Threesome. My problem is I'm not sure if I could handle him spending the night with her or even handle the acts a Threesome involve. Can a relationship be the same after something like that. Can I really handle watching my husband having sex with someone else. Me and my husband have been married for almost 13yrs . We were each others first. High school sweethearts. We have been through a lot over the years. Just need some serious advice

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
Mon, 05-02-2011 - 10:11pm

I'm sorry. You lost me after the first mention of a threesome. You have introduced a concept that is at its heart deceitful and goes against your marriage vows.

I hope you can find a resolution that works for you but I personally believe that threesomes should remain in the realm of fantasy between you and your spouse and never be suggested with any seriousness.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2011
Tue, 05-03-2011 - 8:53am

Gal, sweetie, everything is all wrong here in

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2008
Tue, 05-03-2011 - 10:02am

In my opinion, IF you truly wanted to have a threesome with DH and another woman I hope you had a pretty long discussion about it and your expectations.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Tue, 05-03-2011 - 3:27pm

My husband and I are kinky and we have both discussed threesome fantasies. However, we have kept this as a fantasy only, which we use during sex. We also write erotic stories together, which is another safe way to express these fantasies. This way we both get what we want but no one's feelings get hurt. Threesomes are a great way to explore your sexuality, but (and this is a big BUT) they can really mess with you emotionally. You may think that you can handle having a third person getting involved until it actually happens and then jealousy and all forms of insecurities crop up. If you are going to go through this, you really need to discuss with him how you feel. Some couples are able to handle threesomes, though this is mainly in the swinging lifestyle, where they are involving someone whom they are not close to (the third person is basically a stranger or someone they know casually, not a co-worker or a friend).

I saw that you also posted this on the Sexual Fantasies board, which I think is a great place to ask for advice. I've been a member of that board for four years now and there are some really great people there who can help you figure this out. BTW, I agree with the others there who said that this is a woman you don't want to have a threesome with. A threesome should not involve a woman who wants a one-on-one relationship with the man. A threesome involves sex, not dinners and dates and spending time alone with the man without the other woman, in this case, the wife. The wife is the one who gets to do all that, not the other woman.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Tue, 05-03-2011 - 11:40pm

Hi galcori & welcome to the board :)

Well not sure what to say or suggest ..
I guess seeing what others have said.
maybe knowing the 3rd person like your DH does is too personal
I also guess I am old school & think a marriage is between two people
Although I also agree with the op that said she uses their fantasty for each other.
Good luck & let us know what you decide & how it goes :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2011
Sat, 05-14-2011 - 7:58pm


You seemed to confuse threesome with a polyamorous relationship. When it comes to adding someone to a relationship it's generally best if you and your partner do the picking together and be as open and honest as humanly possible with all parties involved. Also when it comes to adding another partner into your relationship you have to create rules and expectations that you follow to a T. Your fantasy to have a threesome is great, but if you're looking for a fling neither one of you should become emotionally attached. I wouldn't even suggest serious dating unless you're looking for a steady partner. You and your hubby really need to ask each other do you want regular threesomes or just a fling, can one date the other with out all parties involved, can one sleep with the other with out all parties involved, what are your sexual boundries, at what point do you call it off, do you talk to each other when you're not in bed, etc. Nit pick every detail. If all you want is a fling maybe find out where your local swingers groups meet, maybe go to a bar.

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Registered: 01-07-2008
Mon, 05-16-2011 - 10:50am

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Sat, 05-28-2011 - 1:32am
Easy... remove her from the picture by any means necessary.

The last girl who made serious attempts at my husband, I gently nudged her down a flight of stairs. That was back in high school mind you. Nowadays, I'd go after her reputation, her job - whatever was needed to get her out of the picture.

I'll put $10 on this marriage being over this time next year.

Honey, find yourself a real man.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Sat, 05-28-2011 - 3:25pm "serious attempts" can made on a man who makes himself unavailable. A woman got drunk and used that as an excuse to touch my husband inappropriately. He reprimanded her in front of her peers and told her that she should learn to keep her hands to herself. You can't be around all the time - so it makes much more sense for a husband to be responsible for himself!!