nurturing

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2012
nurturing
3
Tue, 04-24-2012 - 11:02pm
We have been married 14 yrs and together for 17. My husband complains a lot about me not being nurturing and feminine. I never have been much of either. We adopted our son when he was 8 yrs old. Because of our son's past abuse I had to spend a lot of my time nurturing him. Our son is now 19 and very normal. My husband has always been jealous of the time i spent being a mom. Now it seems dh is becoming more clingy and child like. When he is sick, he wants me to cuddle with him and take care of him. He gets clingy which I can't stand. I feel like his mommy not his wife. He gets migraine and won't go to work. I work then come home And cook and clean. Then he wants me to take care of him. His neediness is a turn off. Is there something wrong with me?
Pj
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
In reply to: codybear15
Tue, 04-24-2012 - 11:30pm
codybear15 wrote:
We have been married 14 yrs and together for 17. My husband complains a lot about me not being nurturing and feminine. I never have been much of either. We adopted our son when he was 8 yrs old. Because of our son's past abuse I had to spend a lot of my time nurturing him. Our son is now 19 and very normal. My husband has always been jealous of the time i spent being a mom. Now it seems dh is becoming more clingy and child like. When he is sick, he wants me to cuddle with him and take care of him. He gets clingy which I can't stand. I feel like his mommy not his wife. He gets migraine and won't go to work. I work then come home And cook and clean. Then he wants me to take care of him. His neediness is a turn off. Is there something wrong with me?
Pj

Hi & welcome to the board :)

Gosh that is hard I guess for you ..
But then your DH does sound like he was a bit jealous of your son when he was younger.
have you tried talking with him about this & telling him exactly how you feel?
I mean some is of course the way it should be.
Let's hear what others have to suggest as well :)





iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
In reply to: codybear15
Tue, 04-24-2012 - 11:33pm

I don't think there is anything wrong with you. But I do wonder why you are able to nurture your son but can't seem to nurture your DH. Is it the way he is asking you? The type of nurturing that is holding you back?

I am not the "cuddliest" person. I can take it or leave it. But I do like personal massages and other forms of touch/affection. My DH LOVES cuddling and would love to be all entwined on the couch all night. We have a deal where I let him spoon and cuddle me for 15-20 every night before we all asleep and sometimes in the morning before I get up.

What is wrong with sitting down and having a discussion about this? What are things you can do to make him feel loved and know you care about his feelings? Are there things he can do for you? How about adding some of things into your marriage?

Welcome to the board,

Dee

Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
In reply to: codybear15
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 10:26am

Welcome to the board!

I don't think there is anything wrong with you but you obviously need to find some compromise with your DH about this issue or it's going to keep bothering you both.

Have you ever read "The Five Love Languages"? I haven't but all of my friends who have say that it is very helpful in determining how individuals give and receive love and that can be a powerful tool in dealing with one's spouse in a way that is beneficial to you both.

I agree with passion8 that a compromise might be in order. Allow for a certain amount of cuddling that your DH wants during a certain time but then let him know that you also need your personal space.

I hope that you can find a resolution that works for both of you!

RoseAnn