Been happily married 5 years.
You are very kind, thank you! I'm going to see if I can Give Back to these great forums and see if I can lend support to another poster. Great website, great boards, and thank you :-) :-)
Thank you for all the replies!
Things went well for a while and now a big snag.
First, if I may defend myself -- some people at forum said the brother in law may be innocent, don't be judgemental, exc. But I left out part of the story. The cousin (the one who said Ed is a child molester) only recanted her story after her husband found out she told me. When Ed first called town, he told cousin's husband he has $50,000 saved and wants to leave it to them in his will....basically, the cousin who accused Ed of being a molester re-canted after her husband (1) called me and said "who told you Ed is a molester? (he sounded angry that his wife told me and (2) after cousin was told by Ed he wants to leave her money....
Ed moved here. He and the cousin and my husband get together once a week. Husband knows I don't want to meet Ed and that's fine with husband. Another item I left out: the reason Ed's children don't speak to him....from what I've been told...is he divorced their mother to marry their mom's sister (he married his sister in law)....so when he did not contact family for 14 years, family members would say to me "Ed is weird" "I never liked him, he's selfish" exc. So no offense, but I'd heard only negative things before I was told he's a molester.
PROBLEM: I have kids. Husband said I never have to meet Ed and Ed will never come to our home (fine). Husband sees Ed once a week (Fine). I'd asked husband to not discuss my kids with Ed. Today, husband said "Ed asked about our kids (husband's stepkids) and how they like joint custody and what nights we get them" Husband told Ed what nights my kids sleep at our house. Fight ensued. I don't want my husband to discuss my children with his brother as he's been accused by famlily of being a molester. I already am creeped out that he's moved to town (after he didn't contact my husband for 14 years), and now my husband tells the guy what nights we get our kids. Husband angry at me, he said "Well, he doesn't know what schools your kids attend, and I think he's innocent, he seems fine to me" But husband's own cousin told us both Ed is a molester. So I was married for 5 years before this long lost brother showed up, heard his own relatives say he molested his own daughter (who is now 32 and will not speak to him) and husband mad that I don't want him to discuss my kids-from-prevoius marriage with Ed. I feel uncomfortable. IF my ex husband found out that my kids step dad hangs out with alleged molester and discussed our kids, my ex would be angry. Advice?
It sounds like the whole family has a lot of issues, both interpersonal and otherwise.
I stand by my assertion that your DH has a right to at least attempt reconciliation with his brother and he has offered steps to keep the risk to you and your children to a minimum.
I would suggest that you consider going to counseling, with or without your husband, to deal with your concerns. It may be that your preconceived notions about your BIL are preventing you from
Couldnt it be so that the wife, cousin, daughter is hurt by
You said what I been thinking.
Also there is