question for the Happily Married

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
question for the Happily Married
6
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 11:04pm

I hope you don't mind me in your forum as I am not married, but I wanted some happily married women's opinions.

I am a woman in a 1 year relationship with a man with a sex drive that equals once a week. I constantly feel undesired. Is it unrealistic to expect me to meet someone who would enjoy having sex 2-3 times a week in a long term relationship? I have heard so many sad stories about men that lose interest, I feel I have no hope for a more compatible partner.

Thanks for your thoughts

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 06-04-2010 - 11:42am
Hi Autumn,
Welcome to the board :)

Glad you did stop here to ask your question.
While I don't think it's unrealistic to want that.
Am sure other factors are involved.
What is your work schedule like for you both ?
Have you spoken with your SO about this ?
Communication is really important as I am sure you know.

Am sure others will share their thoughts too so do
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2009
Fri, 06-04-2010 - 10:57pm

Hi Autumn3303,

Brace yourself; you're dating A HUMAN... My husband and I have been together for about 13 years, married for 9. During that time, we've done it probably 2 or 3 times a week-unless we're sick, disabled, etc. Now, my husband would be absolutely thrilled if we did it twice a day and I'd be pretty happy if we did it once a week. What I'm getting at here is that humans have different sex drives-you compromise to make it work. And drive depends on a lot of things; medication, weight (being overweight normally decreases drive), mental health, being overworked, age, and simple genetics). Now having said this, I don't think either one of us feels "undesired." We talk about sex quite a bit, flirt, and tease. We let eachother know on a constant basis how hot the other one is (even if they have a serious case of bad breath). Feeling undesirable is not a good sign in a relationship-especially for a woman, but please don't equate sex frequency with desirability.

Let your man know how you feel. If he's not into sex, then tell him that you'd at least like to feel like a hottie-after all sex is more emotional than physical. When you do have sex, have multiple orgasms-one for every day of the week that you didn't have sex.

If your man doesn't give you the time of day it might be time to move on. Feeling desirable is very important in a relationship.

I hope this helps,

Jennie

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-05-2010 - 2:56am
My husband has a lower sex drive than I do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Fri, 06-11-2010 - 3:59pm
Thank you for your responses!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 06-11-2010 - 6:43pm
Sorry on your tough decision,
However now is the time & you know what's best for you.
Do hope we see you back here one day :)





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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 9:00pm

I just have to say congratulations for making a tough decision like that.

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