sex is not romance....pls help ladies!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2009
sex is not romance....pls help ladies!
Sat, 04-10-2010 - 11:51pm

Hi everyone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 04-11-2010 - 11:20pm

Hi Meagan,
Welcome to the board :)

So sorry it has taken me a bit to get back to you.
Has been a busy weekend, whew!

Do understand what you mean,
How about starting up a date night ?
Where you

          Click & Join the fun!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2010
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 2:52pm

Hi Meagan-

I feel exactly the way you do! I miss the passion and the excitement

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2008
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 3:54pm

You have stated that you told him you want more romance....but what does that really mean? And....think of it from a mans view saying that could mean 10,000 different things and for him, narrowing it down may seem daunting and exhausting. So.....tell him what you really need, make a bulleted list if you must but break it down and show him what it is you feel is lacking.

If what you need is tender kisses and whispered sweet nothings than say "Honey....what I need to feel romanticly and intimately close to you is tender kisses and whispered sweet nothings, can you do that for me please?".

If what you need is

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2009
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 9:28pm

I read your post yesterday and I wanted to think on it for a bit (OK, 24 hours). I would consider my relationship with my husband "romantic" and I think that it comes from a few things;
1)we spend some time everyday together-just he and I,
2)we hold hands when we walk around together-when you physically touch, I think it connects you on a deeper level,
3)we have hobbies-together and separate. When you have hobbies, it makes you an interesting person in general and there's something to talk about that's a "safe zone" unlike money, kids, etc. Hobbies that you share with your husband give you something to connect over. My husband and I connect over mushroom hunting, day hikes (while scoping possible mushroom locations), cooking (with mushrooms), etc. DH and I can talk about these things and do these things until the cows come home. And it seems like the talking leads to a better connection. Well, at least I realize that we're real nerds. And we're nerds together.

I hope that something in this helps,


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Tue, 04-13-2010 - 11:45am

I agree with what some of you ladies have said. The main thing I agree with is that your Husband and you have a different relationship now, and you don't want to go back. I think you were just trying to make a point, but point back at ya babe, your relationship should be so much more intimate now than ever. I also agree that men are not mind readers. I want to give an example. I fell on Saturday. Pretty bad. Beau doesn't know exactly what I need so i told him. I really specifically said, point blank, this is what I need, when I say I need a bit more "TLC".

I also agree on shared and separate hobbies. My Husband has a motorcycle. He loves it. I love riding on the back. I have my own gun now because Beau taught me how to shoot (I DO NOT HUNT) I love it. Beau goes to the range much more than me, but, we like it. I could go on and on. We have so much to talk about all of the time.

Your life is not the same anymore. You have kids, etc. I'm not trying to be rude, but Beau and I may have less sex than you guys, but we sure do lay in bed and talk a lot. We don't want children, so I know that's different, but you have to fit this into your schedule. It sounds like your marriage will suffer if you don't.

Good Luck, * Robyn *

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2009
Tue, 04-13-2010 - 3:57pm

I really appreciate your responses and advice!

I am learning to ask for exactly what I want and since writing that post have made great strides towards finding that again. I guess what I was looking for was more conversations and alone time with each other and having hobbies that we do together. His little brother has been living with us for almost a year because of their mom's death and that took a big toll on our alone time. I definitely need to put into words exactly what I want instead of expecting him to read my mind!

We have been laying in bed at night talking and listening to music again. What a great point that we will never be that same couple that we were when we first got together! That really hit home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Thu, 04-15-2010 - 11:16am

Meagan, I'm so glad that our emails helped. It seems like you really have taken all of the advice, and I'm glad to be one of the people that can help you. I guess my Husband and I both had great and I mean GREAT examples of marriage. I think you make a point, and we talk a lot that about how that example helps our marriage. You guys can be that for your kids!

I know how it is when life happens, and you just want moments back. I'm really glad you guys are working for that. I wish you the best of luck, and it sounds like your already doing a lot better! I'm really happy for you, and I'm glad that you felt free to post here. I always find the advice I need here, all the women here are so amazing. Just wanted to say something, take care!

* Robyn *