should i be concerned?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
should i be concerned?
8
Thu, 01-26-2012 - 2:19pm

hello all!! i havent been on this board in forever-but ive been trying to get back in the groove of things and was on this board before...i want to ask others opinions...i might get a lil lengthy and if i do i apologize...my dh and i have been married for a lil over 12 years. for the last 2 years, weve been in a euchere card playing club. there's 6 "couples" that meet once a month and play cards. each month we alternate and each "couple" hosts twice a year. (couple is in quotes cuz it isnt always a romantic couple-we had 4 married couples, one father and dd and 2 "bachelors". one of the bachelors is a priest)anyway, after 2 years, the team had to be revamped. on saturday we were revamping it-and one of the women-k-announces that her dh wont be playing anymore. i was kinda bummed cuz i really like her dh. he one of the district managers at the store where i work-actually he got me the job in the first place...and i like to talk to him and ill be honest-flirt with him a lil. it doesnt bother my dh-at least he never said it did. and he really likes k's company-shes really into sports, football especially-and they always talk about their fantasy teams and the like. anyway, i asked why her dh wouldnt be playing anymore and she told me its a long story...later on, she confided in me that her dh actually filed for divorce in september and moved out last week. this saddens me cuz theyve got 3 kids...and i always thought they were pretty solid in their marriage-i guess you just never know. i really feel bad for everyone in this situation cuiz its got to be hard to start over-theyve been married for awhile-their oldest dd is 13 and im pretty sure they were married when they had her...so im guessing theve been married at least 14 years, probably longer. anyway, whats bugging me is this comment she made off hand back in august. it kinda bothered me a bit when she said it, but i figured she was married and nothing would come of it...anyway, we were coming back from one of the card nights and she had caught a ride with us(were also neighbors-we lived around the block from each other). her dh was out at the bar and didnt come with us. when we got into the neighborhood, it was 12:30-and i mentioned that maybe her dh would be home waiting for her. she laughed and said "not likely" and my dh chimes in with "yeah-hes the type that has to close down the bar..." so i say "oh...well, i dont have much experience with that-i dont drink much and neither does randy.we dont do the bar scene..." shes quiet for a minute and then says "you know i wish i was married to you randy..." my dh kinda laughed it off and said "oh...you wouldnt want to be married to me-im a jerk..." and i kinda just chuckled-inside i wanted to choke her. she didnt apologize-she didnt try to reword it-she just left it hanging there. she got out of the car and my dh asked me why she said something like that. and i told him "because you are different than her dh. you go to work and you come home and youre home. you do things with the kids, you do things with me-d(her dh)doesnt do that kind of stuff. thats all she meant..." inside i was still upset but i was trying not to let it bother me. well, i was talking to 2 of my coworkers and i told them about these 2 splitting up and how it was very sad to me. then i told them about the comment she made...and the one said "and youre not concerned?" me: "should i be??" her: "well, i wouldnt want someone saying that about my dh...especially someone you have to worry about now cuz she'll ne a free agent..." my other coworker says "no, i dont think she has to worry. randys a good guy and as long as she trusts him, she shouldnt worry..." then shes quiet for a second and comes back out with "although, he IS a guy and guys do stupid things all the time..." i DO trust my dh and i know he doesnt find this woman all that attractive-he says he likes to talk sports with her and shes like "one of the guys." but she isnt a guy and shes not ugly-shes not bad looking, imo. and shes gonna be alone and vulnerable...and my dh loves kids and he loves to be the white knight and swoop in and help people...yes i trust him and i trust her-to an extent. but your opinion? should i be concerned?????
JOANNE

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Sun, 01-29-2012 - 7:23pm

I didn't make that comment, but I understood it differently.

Often when ppl are jealous or suspicious of their partner, it is because they know that they do the things that make them jealous or suspicious. So the guy who goes to work conferences and has a one night stand...gets jealous if his wife wants to go on a work trip.

Those of us who don't think to cheat and aren't tempted, are more trusting bc we don't think like that. It's not part of our lives so we expect it's the same for our partner.

That is just my take on it :)

Dee

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Sat, 01-28-2012 - 10:41pm

Good to see you back here,
I do agree with some of the op's comments,
Your DH sounds wonderful & others have noticed.
Take it as a compliment.
You trust him & he is married/loves you.
So enjoy what you have ;)




iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Sat, 01-28-2012 - 9:56pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2011
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 4:25pm

Sorry honestly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 11:32am
chamadar wrote:

My question to you is if your husband can trust you!

why?? because i did a lil harmless flirting with the guy when we played cards? i wasnt like hanging all over him-it was just lil jokes, my tone of voice, you know the norm. he does the same thing with some of the females we play with and some of the women he works with. i dont know-maybe you wouldnt even call it flirting-but i know that when i talk to certain guys, my tone changes...i dont know how else to say it-but i would never act on it-even knowing the guy i have/had a "crush" on is free...im not interested in messing up my marriage...and im also not interested in messing up a friendship-cuz i do like the woman and feel bad for what shes going through...
joanne

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 11:22am

Her marriage was probably just hitting the worst of it then and she realized that she picked the wrong match for her. How about having some compassion for that and chalking it up to her being a bad place?

you know-i didnt realize it this way...youre probably right. i overanalyze everything...thats why i came to this board for advice. ftr, i wouldnt openly shun this woman or call her out-in fact, i have her and her 2 sons invited over for dinner tonight. dont get me wrong-i like this woman-and i feel bad for her with what shes going through. its just that comment she made is kinda stuck in my craw and i wanted to know if i should be worried...and the coworker i mentioned it to-she didnt help. but shes like that. ive thought about that too-and i also discussed this with my mom. she told me the same thing-that i dont have to be worried-that hes a good guy...like i said, it was just stuck in my craw and i wanted other opinions...
joanne

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Thu, 01-26-2012 - 11:41pm

You need to take a breath a relax.

Let me put this in perspective for you, you are worried about an offhanded comment a women made FIVE months ago. And she made it in FRONT of you (which means she didn't realize how it could be taken wrong). IF she was secretly whispering it to your DH or trying to be private with him about it, then it *might* mean something.

Her marriage was probably just hitting the worst of it then and she realized that she picked the wrong match for her. How about having some compassion for that and chalking it up to her being a bad place?

It sounds like you have a wonderful husband! No doubt others are going to notice - maybe even be jealous - just enjoy what you have :)

Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2011
Thu, 01-26-2012 - 6:52pm

My question to you is if your husband can trust you!