Should i tell or keep it a secert and lie?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2011
Should i tell or keep it a secert and lie?
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 8:48pm

Hi I don't want to lie and that hurts, but telling the truth, that is hard with my problem, I am a male and wear panties from time to time, I know crazy right? Well I am not gay, my girlfriend of 2 yrs found a pair of panties in my clothes, and of course she thinks I am cheating, since i didnt tell her the truth. Does anyone have advice, please. thanks, we are

Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 9:33am

Welcome to the board!

Before I even read your post, I had formulated an answer based on your subject line. It's almost never preferable to keep secrets and lie than to tell the truth.

I think if you are serious about marrying this woman and you intend to have an open and honest relationship with her, the obvious place to start is to be honest about this facet of your life.

If you lie about this, it sets the groundwork for more lies and you will be basing your relationship on deception rather than trust.

Worst-case scenario: she disapproves of your choice to wear women's underwear and she leaves you. Although that may be hard to contemplate, it would be very telling about her and her acceptance of you...the real you, not the one you are presenting to everyone else. If she can't accept this about you, maybe you are better off finding someone who can.

Good luck and please let us know how things are going!


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2011
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 11:23am

I totally agree with mrosie.

Besides, if she can't love you dispite this one quirk?... I mean there's alot more stuff she's going to have to get past, alot more she'll have to get over and forgive you for, if your going to betogether for life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 2:36pm

If you are truly ready for marriage, then you are ready to make yourself vulnerable by being open and honest. It's the only way to a completely healthy r/ship. I have been in your gf's position where my DH kept something like this from me until we moved in together. If I had found out he was hiding his secret BEFORE he moved in, I can tell you we would not be happily right now. But since we had already moved in together (and this just elevated the whole lie by omission), we spent the entire night talking it over. In order to love someone you have to know them. You are afraid of her rejecting you - the real you but it's the chance we all have to take in love.

I also think you are making way too big a deal of this. It's really not that bad! So you like the feel of woman's underwear...big deal. DH has

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2011
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 4:39pm

You don't have gay to be a cross-dresser - I would tell the truth because it

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2011
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 10:30pm

I've known my DH since we were 14 years old (we're now 28). We met online and at the time weren't thinking about getting married in 14 years. lol The point is that I've known everything about my husband, just like he knows everything about me. Both of us have had times in our life questioning aspects of our sexuality. They are things that we have always accepted about each other. It's not something we talk about to others in great detail, but it is nothing I am ashamed of as his wife, It's who he is, it's who we are. Wearing women's underwear is part of who you are. You shouldn't have to be afraid of your wife. She will either love you for you showing she really is the woman you want to spend your life with or she could react negatively. There are a variety of ways she could react, lots of them scary, but it then end honesty is the number one policy. I would love to hear what happens if you do tell her. Good luck.

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 8:46am

Hi & welcome to the board,
I see othes have suggested you tell her the truth ..
I would also suggest that.
Honesty is what marriages are made of.
Let us know hwo that goes :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 11:02am

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 6:25am

It is not crazy to waer female