So happy and so in love but JUST ONE PROBLEM.... HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2011
So happy and so in love but JUST ONE PROBLEM.... HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3
Fri, 01-14-2011 - 5:52am
Hi! This is my first post and I hope I get some good advice here... I am really struggling with my new marriage. My husband and I are happy together and so much in love. This is both our second marriages and well his first marriage was over 10 years ago while I divorced and remarried pretty quickly. My first marriage was nearly 20 years long. I have a 19 yr old daughter from that marriage and she has some serious issues but that's not the problem... (not today anyway!) Here's the deal... my husband has some intimacy issues. He, like many men in their 40's experiences some difficulties in the intimacy dept. It has done a real number on my self-esteem. I don't know what to do. I mean we've talked about it, he's getting some help and neither of us really want him to take a pill if you know what I mean. The problem however is not really him as much as it is me these days. My friends call me beautiful, he calls me beautiful, I am slim and curvy and would be ideal for the most part but when I see myself I see someone who isn't attractive simply because I feel or felt rejected by him. My first husband couldn't keep his hands off me and I never really wanted him to touch me. Now, my husband whom I love dearly rarely touches me and it's done a number on me. I have become timid and shy when it comes to sexuality/sensuality and am simply afraid. I rarely have sex and was the one who always initiated. I don't like doing that and I don't know how to get myself out of this funk. I mean, my husband is going to get help, even going so far as to go to another state to see a special doctor. For me however, it's very different. I feel so restricted and bound. I work from home and have very few outlets so I focus a lot on some of this stuff however I just feel it's totally unfair for me to always be the one to "touch" first. I want to be touched... made to feel wanted and I so need that. I don't know what to do. I mean my husband kisses me all the time, but not like "that"... and he hugs me and is always by my side. I just want him to be more confident. I am empathic so that means that I pick up on the feelings and emotions of others and often times that causes me to believe their feelings are mine. I have NEVER been like this and don't know what to do to get my self-confidence back. I want to touch him but am getting tired of always being the one to TOUCH first. Does anyone have any suggestions? Lost and seriously confused... I feel like a 9th grader floundering around trying to figure things out... HELP! Hs1angl
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008

p
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2011

Thank you Robyn for your suggestions!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008

p