So I don't know if this is ok or not....

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Registered: 06-01-2010
So I don't know if this is ok or not....
Tue, 07-27-2010 - 5:39pm

So last night DH and I were arguing about some things. The normal, kids being disrespectful/ungrateful/rude, the house being a mess (I know we're moving, but come on!) all that jazz.

I decided to write a little list. I wrote down 5 things I don't like about my DH and 5 things I LOVE about my DH. I did the same for myself 5 likes/dislikes. I didn't show him the lists, they're hidden in one of my boxes of clothes.

Should I show him? or should I just rip them up and throw them out?

Things are better today, but I just don't want to have to go back to it again if things get out of hand.

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Registered: 03-23-2000
Tue, 07-27-2010 - 6:50pm

That depends...are these things he can control or change? Are you being reasonable

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Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 07-27-2010 - 7:10pm
Hi Shannon,
I really like what RoseAnn said,
Perhap yes you can/could discuss some of these things with DH.
See what he says .. ask why he does/feel like he does.
And as always yes pick your battles.
Over the years we do learn to live with our loved one & their quirks, LOL
That being said .. if something is really bothering you ..
Time to share/discuss :)

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Registered: 01-07-2008
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 2:02pm

Once again, I agree with RosAnn! We seem to share a lot of views! LOL!

Anyway in all seriousness, this list you made. I agree, are these things he can change about himself? That is a biggie! I also agree about not showing him the list out of anger.

What i do think is that you could use your list as a guideline, and talk to him. It sounds like you really need to talk to him. I'm really big on communication. I also think that you are pointing out good things about him, and bad things about yourself. So, it is an even trade, so to speak, you know what I mean?

There is always a good way to communicate, and a bad way. If you sit down and talk, and do this the right way, it would probably help your marriage a lot. It's never good to hold on to things. I think you should talk about what is bothering you, wether you bring up the actual list. The fact you made the list, says to me, you have something you need to get off your chest.

Good Luck,

* Robyn *

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Registered: 12-19-2004
Sun, 08-01-2010 - 3:19pm
I agree with everyone above. I think that you definately have to pick your battles and discuss only what's truly worth it and bothering you badly enough. I think that taking a risk and showing him these lists could surprisingly bring you closer together.
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Registered: 12-12-1997
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 11:36am
If you don't mind a little advice on top of the excellent advice you've gotten from an old (old) married person who used to be a member:

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 4:18pm

I agree that I would not show him. But keep it in a safe place and refer back to it.

I have found it very theraputic over the years to write out things that make me angry...I'll write my dh a letter, get it all out, then shred it! I feel a lot better afterwards!