Unhealthy and/or unsafe habits of spouse

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Unhealthy and/or unsafe habits of spouse
18
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 1:08am

TO ALL-

In your opinion, how much and what is a spouse's obligation to confront about unhealthy and unsafe habits?

My wife of five years is great. However, certain things have me concerned. She doesn't like to exercise. She has a gym membeship, but hasn't set foot in the gym in over two years. She could happily avoid fruits and vegetables, except for grains. She drinks quarts of Diet Coke every day. She also is significantly overweight, which doesn't affect my desire for her, but could affect her health. She also will stay late at her school in an unsafe neighborhood.

It is not my style to be a nag. Also, while everything I describe raises the odds of trouble in the future, it's still not guaranteed to happen. Moreover, I could conceivably ruin her fun only for her to die relatively young from an airplane crash. (G-d forbid) So, I want to hear from others. How much do you think a spouse should intervene?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 12:27pm

Still depends on how you do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 9:38am
misstrygg wrote:

But nagging isnt what people is telling you to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 3:28am

But nagging isnt what people is telling you to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 1:16am
passion8te wrote:

You didn't answer my question about continuing to do the same thing and expecting different results? :smileywink:

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 6:38pm

What were her lifestyle and eating habits like when you started to date her?

I do feel that it's a personal duty when in a relationship to upkeep yourself and be safe and live as long as you can - aka wear a seat belt, eat well, exercise. That person may need some support from their spouse (aka like I am a good cook so I do most of the cooking).

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 2:52am

And I don't find your way aggressive at all,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Thu, 04-19-2012 - 12:38am

You didn't answer my question about continuing to do the same thing and expecting different results? :smileywink:

My approach just seems aggressive bc you don't know all the particulars of my r/ship. My DH was the inventor of the "go for dinner serious talk"...we have one scheduled for Fri as we are both considering careers moves.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 2:16pm

Well as my husband sees about my health and I see about my husband health,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Wed, 04-18-2012 - 1:31pm

Miss Trygg-

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 9:56pm

If you already have that approach then what makes you think anything different will come of doing the same thing?

You asked about our partner having unhealthy habits and I would feel obligated to ask my partner to rectify that. I have children and I didn't agree to raise them myself. My DH and I both committed to be here for each other.

Here is what I would do in your situation:

- I would ask my DH to come out to dinner just the two of us so we can talk.

- I would explain how his behaviour is affecting me and tell him I want to help. I want to "do this together".

- I would suggest that he consider counselling...he obviously doesn't love and care about himself as much as I love and care bout him or he wouldn't be doing this to himself (I am being quick here, I would massage this A LOT - stick handling as my DH puts it)

- I would tell him that I would like us to do X together X times a week (exercise related, personally I don't like the gym but I am extremely active). I would ask, "what have you always wanted to do but felt you couldn't??? Let's work towards that."

- I would research some healthy diet plans, read the book and start implementing it for both of us.

As to the dangerous thing, if she is has ANY interest in martial arts or boxing then encourage her to try it. Not

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