~ Weekend Plans ~

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
~ Weekend Plans ~
8
Thu, 11-15-2012 - 11:50pm

Just a few days from Thanksgiving now,
What are you all up to ?
Having some fun or getting ready for tG ?
Let us know & have a great weekend :)




Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
Fri, 11-16-2012 - 2:41pm

OMG. I may need a paper bag to breathe into by the time I'm finished typing all this up, let alone accomplishing it. LOL

Tonight is our typical Friday at home relaxing. We're going to make homemade pasta with homemade pasta sauce and homemade sausage, watch some TV or a movie and just chill out.

Tomorrow morning we are dropping my car off to get the tires rotated. Going to donate blood. Toy store for wooden toys for DGSs. Grocery store for Thanksgiving items + stuff to have on hand for our guests. Candy store for my mom's birthday gift. Spice shop for my mom's Christmas gift + small gift for a friend + spices DH needs for next week. Pick up car. Home to drop off groceries. Department store for dad's gift and DN's birthday gift. Snack store for DB's Christmas gift. Pet store for bones the dogs can chew on since we're going to lock them in our bedroom on Thanksgiving (too many people plus a 4-y.o. who is afraid of dogs).

In the afternoon/evening, I am meeting friends to see the new Breaking Dawn movie.

Sunday we need to get the house in order for our guests: put up the bed rail, assemble the crib, move the craft table downstairs for TG, rake leaves in the backyard, clean the house one last time, etc. I also need to finish wrapping gifts for DSD, DSIL and DGSs so I can get everything in the craft room crammed into the closet. LOL

Phew! My mom has a habit of driving everyone crazy when she gets in these frenzies around the holidays. I've been telling DH that I'm just like my mom only I'm "happy stressed". LOL He said there's a fine line between that and the dark side. ;)

RoseAnn

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Fri, 11-16-2012 - 6:20pm

I'm exhausted after reading all you have to do this weekend RoseAnn,
Thank goodness you have tonight to relax if you can <g>
Whew on all you will be doing .. my goodness no rest for you that's for sure.
Fun on seeing the movie though & maybe in the evening you can actually put your feet up <wink>
LOL on being *happily stressed* .. sounds good but um .. hopefully DH is not right.

Have a great weekend & good luck with getting it all done :)




iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Thu, 11-22-2012 - 9:04am

  Thanksgiving has never been the same since my divorce 5 years ago...it really ripped my family apart, so I do not look forward to the holidays anymore AT ALL.  Today, dh, me and 2 of HIS sons are having a ham dinner.  Dh's family celebrates Thanksgiving the Saturday AFTER Thanksgiving, so we'll be driving the 2 1/2 hours there.  But, as usual, my DDs will be with their father and HIS family since they live close by.  I HAVE no family here, so have just given up.  I felt they should have spent every other year with their mother on Thanksgiving, but they didn't see it that way, so I've given up.  DD28 lives several states away and isn't coming home for either holiday.  She was here in July for her grandfather's funeral for 4 days, but made no time for her mother.  DD27 has to work, so she and her SO are coming Saturday, will spend that day with her father, then Sunday with me.  DD25 and DD21 will come over tonight to just hang with me, then I'm taking them to buy their Christmas presents tomorrow.  I just found out DD21 has been home since Monday from college (she has a bedroom at her father's as HE has the big marital home) and hasn't even called me.  The only time she does is when she needs money.  I'll be talking to her AGAIN about this.  It hurts ALOT.  I told DD25 last week I can't WAIT for her sister to grow up.  This is all very painful.  I told DD25 I totally regret buying this condo as there is only one guest bedroom and dh's DS19 has that although I made dh put a futon in his office on the first floor, so MY children can have the basement once in a while and HIS son can sleep on the futon.  I actually told my older 2 DDs last year when they DO come home to visit that if they didn't spend half the time at MY house to not bother coming to see me at all.  They listened and we had a nice Thanksgiving last year.  I never thought when I sold MY condo last year and my 2 younger DDs had to go live with their father that it would create such a distance betweeen DD21 and me.  It's like THEY are a family now (the ex and his wife) and I'm the parent left out in the cold.  DD25 has been much better, but then, she's grown  up alot in the last couple years.  Divorce and split families sucks. 

Sorry to be such a downer.  I hope you both have a wonderful Thanksgiving.  I'll be doing laundry and cleaning. :(

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Thu, 11-22-2012 - 10:17am

Am so sorry to hear all this & can only imagine how it all hurts as well,
I hope your girls grow up & learn that what they have done/are doing is not only wrong but hurtful as well.
I also hope later in life they don't have regrets as to what their choices have been.
Big hugs to you hon :)




iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Fri, 11-23-2012 - 9:33am

  Thanks, Huggs.  It's nice just to have these boards to get out my frustrations on and get support although one time I did it on "Venting About Family & Friends" only to have a girl in her twenties (a child of divorce) bash ME and tell me how I should allow my DDs just to do what THEY want or I would lose them.  At this point, I'm ready to accept that.  So, here's how it went down yesterday and last night:

 DDs came over about 7:00 with no overnight bags.  I had spent the whole day cleaning just for them and then they inform me that they're NOT spending the night. DD21 hardly said anything, but DD25 and I had a big fight...HER accusing ME of blaming THEM for the divorce which I don't even know why she brings up because this is about the here and now and how they are treating me NOW.  Bottom line is they say my dh and his son are ALWAYS around and it makes them uncomfortable.  This really shows their immaturity, but I'm done waiting around for them to grow up. I told dh as long as his son lives here, my DDs won't feel comfortable here.  They noticed when dh and his son got home around 8:00 that his son went RIGHT downstairs....like it's totally his domain. It's like they're punishing ME because HE lives here and, if I had MY way, he wouldn't be, but there's nothing I can do about it.  So, another holiday, another big fight.  DD25 said that there's no compromise...they feel ONE way and I feel another, but, I agree with dh...if they respected me and cared about MY feelings, they'd do as I ask.  Obviously, they don't.  I had to tell DD28 and DD27 last year that if they didn't sleep at my house half the time when they came home not to bother contacting me at all.  They did at Thanksgiving and we had a nice time.  I guess DDs and I are going shopping today, but, at the end of the day, I may cut DD21 loose and tell her, when she comes home, if she doesn't spend half the time at my place, then not to contact me at all and we basically won't have a relationship until she DOES grow up and accept that I'm a human being with feelings and won't let HER hurt me anymore.  Period.  I'm also going to let her know that when she runs short of money again, not to contact me because the answer will be NO. 

DD25 said last night that I have changed since the divorce and she's right.  I now stand up to my children and say, "THIS is how I feel and, if you don't like it, too bad."  I always put THEIR feelings before my own and allowed them to run all over me, but no more. 

I did tell them that I won't expect them to spend any nights here at Christmas as dh's DS29 will be home for 6 days (something I'm not even looking forward to).  He graduated from rehab and is now working out of state.  I am not fond of him at all and wish he wouldn't come home, but I'm sure dh is looking forward to it. 

I wish I could just fast forward to January 1st.  Thanks for the support and hugs.  It helps.   

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Fri, 11-23-2012 - 10:23am

We're here for you any time & always!

Well glad that is over <g>
Good for you on taking your stand with them.
It is sad but yes they do need to realize you are entitles to your life & be respected for your choices as yes you are a person that has feelings.
They do need to grow up a bit & see that what you ask/expect is totally normal.
I do agree on not giving the other Dd money anymore so I hop she asks so you can tell her NO <wink>
Oh boy I wish you could fast forward to the first of the year, LOL
Good luck with the shopping & let us know how that goes ;)




iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Sun, 11-25-2012 - 10:04am

  I was actually surprised that my DDs even CAME over on Friday around noon.  We ended up just staying home, watching a movie and DD25 did laundry.  I also wrapped some Christmas presents in preparation for today as DD27 and her SO are coming over and we're celebrating Christmas with them tonight since they are going to her SO's parents' for Christmas.  Anyway, I took the 2 DDs out for happy hour Friday around 4:30, then we picked up pizza to take home.  They left to go back to their father's around 7:00.  I didn't ask them to spend the night Friday night as we had to get up early to leave for dh's parents' yesterday plus dh's 4 year old grandson was here as well.  DDs and I had no more discussion regarding them spending the night, but I am fully going to let DD21 know next week what I expect in the future and if she doesn't comply, we will no longer have a relationship.  Period.  I simply can no longer take the hurt she inflicts upon me.  

Honestly, I am not looking forward to DD27 and her SO coming over today either.  They were home in July for my ex-father-in-law's funeral and never even let me know when she was coming or going home.  My ex lives practically in my backyard and dh was outside and saw her SO our running and HE didn't even stop over to say hello either.  It was VERY painful that for the 4 days she was home, she didn't even call or come over to say hello.  She and DD28 both felt that THAT time was ALL about their father's side of the family and so didn't feel they needed to include me at all.  VERY painful and yes...I let both of them know that.  I did go visit DD28 in August and we had a nice time, but we really haven't communicated much since.  She didn't even call me on Thanksgiving.  DD25 said she probably doesn't call me because she doesn't want to "deal with me".  That's the problem... they all see as Mom being the "problem" in all this...that I should just let  them do what is comfortable for THEM even it if means hurting my feelings and making me feel left out.  Their father's family does live close by, so yes...I am the one left out, but I feel they could all make more of an effort to assure me that I am as important to them as their father's family. 

 Thanks again, Hugs.  I guess I better get moving and start making food for later. sigh 

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Sun, 11-25-2012 - 12:25pm

I don't know what I would do if I were in your shoes,
Thinking I would be doing lots of crying ::sigh::
Glad you had a relatively nice even ing though at least.

I do agree that yes they are being just awful & so disrespectful.
You know what they say though .. what goes around comes around ..
As well as *I hope their children treat you like you have treated me*
Sounds like they need to grow up & see you as their Mom NO matter what happened in the past.
Time for them to let it go, get over it & not waste precious time!

Hope this evening isn't too bad for you & that everyone is friendly/respectful & Has a good time.
Hugs to you hon :)