What happens when the "newness" is gone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2011
What happens when the "newness" is gone?
7
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 9:12am

Is marriage or being in a relationship really necessary?
As a recently divorce woman, I am the happiest I've ever been. Which raised the

Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000

Welcome to the board!

It sounds like your post is covering two distinct questions: 1) What happens when the newness wears off and 2) Is it okay for a person to remain single after a relationship or marriage has ended.

In a healthy relationship with the right partner, the newness never wears off! ;) Although things settle into a routine and there may not be the infatuation that there was in the beginning, it is replaced with a longer-lasting respect, admiration and enjoyment of a person's company. Although DH and I have been married for nearly 16 years, I still learn new things about him and we're constantly growing and changing and sharing those new developments with each other.

I think it is normal and healthy for a person to take their time in reentering the dating/relationship/marriage world after a long-term relationship has ended. Especially for those who marry young, they may never have experienced living alone and being completely self sufficient. It's good for a person to develop that side of themselves and you should only get into dating when (if) you are ready for it.

Good luck in this new phase of your life!

RoseAnn

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010

Hi & welcome to the board :)

I do agree with all that RoseAnn said,
My DH & I have been married 32 years!
Believe it or not we can still learn things about each other, LOL
I think each *stage* so to speak can be as exciting as the one before.
It's a special bond to be so connected with someone for year.
Someone that understnads you & loves you depsite your faults.
Hope you can find what you're looking for if you are.
Do stop by here again :)




Avatar for msally99
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

No, I don't think being in a relationship is necessary. It depends on what you want, and whatever that is, is what you should do.

However, I hope you won't discount a relationship because you're afraid of what happens when the "new" wears off. You're right that the infatuation stage does pass, but if you're with the right person, the relationship is - in many ways

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004

II have divorced ones and

Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000

Welcome back to the board, misstrygg!

RoseAnn

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004

Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008

When I was single, I used to call what you describe as "infatuation"...I had a lot of great infatution based flings that were great and fun. But I looked to settle down into marriage, I found a guy that was a good match as a companion. Our r/ship is not based on "newness" or "excitement"...we are best friends and lovers. We play, sing and laugh together - that never gets old. We have learned and experimented in the bedroom. With 2 small children, 2 FT jobs and active lives - we still have plenty of time and energy for fun :)

If your friends are so interested/jealous of you being divorced, why don't they just leave?

Dee