What is your opinion on this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
What is your opinion on this?
Sat, 03-10-2012 - 11:45pm

Friday night, I went to the arena to play ice hockey w/DH's coed team. As a spare, I didn't have a jersey so I went to the men's locker room and waited outside while someone told DH I was there. I was at the wrong rink and wrong dressing room so it took a LONG time for someone to not find DH. While I waited, I watched a long argument between a female parent and male parent from the kid's game that was just ending. The female pushed the male parent. He started pat/slapping her face. Her husband/boyfriend/partner came around the corner as male parent was doing this. He went ballistic and ran after male parent. There were 2 males trying to calm down the 2 parents arguing. The husband/boyfriend ended up knocking all 4 males to the ground. One almost landed on me because he went flying. They were all 4 rolling on the ground and fighting. I leaned over the mass of males and yelled in my best "mother voice"...STOP IT RIIIIIGHT NOW! GROW UP! I have a bellowing and commanding voice so they stopped and looked up at me. The 2 men who were trying to stop things were able to get everyone under control at that point. The female parent walked up to the male parent and started yelling at him again - trying to start it all up again. So I stepped in front of her and told her to leave the building. She started yelling at me about her son (the reason for the argument)...I told her that we had heard her story and she needed to leave NOW. She told me to get out of her face. I told her she was just causing trouble and needed to LEAVE NOW. She left.

DH heard about all this when I got to the right rink bc I was super late for my game. He was very upset when he heard. He feels I put myself in harms way for no reason. I could have been hurt. I could have been arrested (really? why? I would not have been provoked to assualt the women, I was calm and collected. I would have restrained her w/o violence if she tried anything physical with me).

Now, you have to realize that this is the type of person I am. I believe that we need to speak up and stand up when things are not right. I have done so many times in the past. Dh knows this about me.

So do you think he has a point here?

Or is it unreasonable of him to expect me to do/be something different when he knew how I was when he married me?

Thanks for reading this novel :)

Avatar for msally99
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 03-11-2012 - 7:38am

I'm torn on this one, Dee, because I can truly see both sides of this situation. I agree with you 100% that our world would be a better place if everyone stood up to injustice - or intervened when they see a wrong happening. And I think that this woman was out of her mind to try to start up an argument again when it had already become physical once. However, I also can see your DH's perspective - and his concern for you - when he says that he thought you put yourself in harm's way.

As far as DH asking you to be something other than who you are, do you think he would've reacted differently if he'd been there to witness the incident/protect you if you had needed protection?

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Sun, 03-11-2012 - 9:31am
I am torn as well,
While yes you did put yourself in harms way .. It is good you speak up like that
Gosh I probably just would have called the police
Something to think about in the future would be the danger of the situation maybe.
Will be interesting to hear/see what others say.
Glad it all worked out more or less :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Sun, 03-11-2012 - 10:11am

I agree with msally and hugss.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Sun, 03-11-2012 - 8:05pm

When we aere dating, we had a situation in the past and he didn't do anything. He also told me not to do anything. Since I didn't want to have an argument with him, I didn't. But I was kind of upset that he was asking me to be/do/act the way he does in those situations. We stayed up and talked about it until 4am. He really didn't see my point and I felt it was very important that we could come to some compromise on it. But there really isn't a compromise, is there? He would rather steer clear and avoid trouble. I would rather try to help make the world a better place - I worked for peanuts for a non-profit for 10 years bc I truly do believe that.

There was a women on the phone calling the police but they would

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2010
Mon, 03-12-2012 - 7:05pm
I would have spoken up most likely. But if I were my own DH (lol) I would be mad at me for getting anywhere near such an altercation.

Probably the best thing to do would be to just call the police (you said someone had) and let it be. If everyone involved was an adult, and they want to behave that way, well then they can live with their actions until the police show up. If kids were involved I would not feel this way. If it were a woman, alone, being attacked by a man, I would say intervene. But even though I probably would have responded as you did, I think I agree more with your DH.
Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Mon, 03-12-2012 - 7:07pm
Welcome to the board :)

thanks for stopping by & sharing your thoughts.
Hope we see you here again :)

Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 3:53pm

Sorry I'm so late responding to this. I think everything I was thinking to say has already been said by the others.

I agree that you shouldn't have to change who you are because your DH isn't comfortable with those types of confrontations. That being said, it would be good if you could keep his feelings in mind and not put yourself in harm's way unnecessarily.

In the situation you describe, I might have intervened intially but once the woman persisted in trying to start something, I would have just left or backed away and let the police or arena security handle it. It sounds like she was pretty insistent on causing trouble.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2011
Tue, 03-13-2012 - 5:39pm

You have to pick your battles - your husband was just concerned

I, as well, have a big mouth - its hard to pick my battles when I get angry etc - but I would have just walked away