Whispers in you ear

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2009
Whispers in you ear
11
Fri, 05-28-2010 - 12:56am

Hello,


My fiance and I have a relationship where we can talk about anything...the good, the bad, and the ugly! Is that a bad thing? I mean, I feel very blessed that we have this type of communication. If I am having an issue and I need to vent or I received some good news, more likely than not he will be the first to know and vice versa. Is this communication good for a

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Fri, 05-28-2010 - 1:22am
Of course it's ok! It's much better than not being able to talk to him at all. That's what it was like for me in my first marriage. My ex and I never talked about anything. With DH I can tell him anything, because not only is he my husband, he's my best friend. As long as you're both comfortable with this open and close communication, then I would say that you are definitely blessed. A lot of women aren't so lucky and would gladly have a spouse whom they could talk to about anything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 05-28-2010 - 12:03pm
Hi willywillow,
Welcome to the board :)

I think it's terrific you two can talk/communicate as much as you do.
To/for me that is what it's all about.
Being able to share to each other about anything & everything.
A great thing to have in any relationship & marriage.
Consider yourself lucky as that's not always the case :)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2009
Fri, 05-28-2010 - 12:17pm
Thanks for the replies. I was always told by my female relatives that you should never tell a man everything(to never let your right know what your left hand has as they would say). I always found that as being peculiar because like I said, I can talk to my fiance about anything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Fri, 05-28-2010 - 1:50pm

Hey there, and congrats on your upcoming wedding! My Husband and I tell each other everything. Now, what I am curious about is why you feel the need to ask if that is Ok? Is there a problem? I'm just going to throw out there that we went to about six months of premarital counseling. I would recommend, that any couple that is getting married should do premarital counseling. We still use techniques that we learned in counseling, when we fight, mostly. It has helped us in other area's as well.

It sounds like you have healthy communication. I just wonder what is making you ask.

* Robyn *

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2009
Fri, 05-28-2010 - 4:04pm

Nothing in particular.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 05-28-2010 - 8:17pm
Sounds like your guy is a keeper,
Keep talking :)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Sat, 05-29-2010 - 9:05am

I agree with you about preferring a relationship where you can tell your partner everything to one where you have to hold back some parts of your life. If not sharing everything works for other couples, than that is good for them. Personally, I could not imagine not being able to tell my husband everything. It just means you are really comfortable with the other person.

I wonder if your relatives who say that women shouldn't share everything with a man are believers in the notion the old-fashioned notion that a woman always has to remain mysterious in order to catch and keep a husband. Too much of that type of thinking can become dangerous. You need to at least be able to communicate about any issues that could come up in your relationship so that you can work through them together. Also, some people that a woman has to keep parts of herself hidden to get a man to marry her. The problem with that is that when you are living with somebody for the next fifty years, he is bound to find things out anyway. If it's something that's a problem for him, it could lead to problems in the marriage. It's much better to have things out in the open before you get married so that you know that what you are committing to is what you want.

The only time I think saying too much can become problematic is if you are pointing out things that are rude to the other person for no good reason. I have a problem with this myself. For instance, the other day my husband and I were lounging in our room and chatting, when I noticed his belly looked bigger than usual from the angle I was seeing him. If it was anybody else, I would have had no desire to say anything about it. With him, it's hard for me to hold back and not say, "Your belly looks big." He will take it okay if I say something like that to him. I know he's a bit unhappy about his weight, though, and it's not something that even bothers me, so there's really no good reason for me to mention it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Sat, 05-29-2010 - 4:10pm

That's great you guys are so open, I wondered why you asked because to me that is a normal relationship, and I just wanted to help, our I thought you had a problem. I'm glad you ask about premarital counseling though. Even if you are having no problems, it is so productive. We didn't get married in a Church, so it wasn't a mandatory thing, so we looked for places through the village, in the phone book, online. We needed something cheep, and we found someone for 50 bucks a week, and if you couldn't afford that, you could see an intern for 30 bucks a week. It took a bit of searching, but our counselor was great. We both really loved her, and bonded with her. It was great.

We found ways to fight more productively witch we still use. We just learned a lot about each other. It's amazing what you find out. The little things, that matter. A place to talk about them, that is safe, and after, you have to promise to leave it in the office. We talked about how we wanted to handle finances, things you don't always fully discuss, you know? We even turned it into a date night. We saw the counselor around dinner time so it was nice. It really brought us to the same place, in every way.

I will disclose that I am a Psychology major. That had nothing to do with us going to counseling. We decided we would do it the moment we got engaged, just because the divorce rate is so high. It was actually my Husband that spoke up about it. We both say to couples that it was the best thing we did for our relationship.

I hope you can have a great experience as well. I hope you find somewhere. You just have to really look, and make a lot of phone calls :). I wish you so much luck, feel free to ask me anything else. I hope to see you on this board really soon!!

Hugs! * Robyn *

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 1:32pm

I just want to add, don't let anyone "Whisper in your ear" , about how your relationship is different from theirs. They could be jealous, or whatever. just keep in mind that everyone's relationship is different. This was just an after thought. I hope you do counseling, and I hope that we see you soon!

< HUGS >

* Robyn *

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2009
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 3:03pm
Thanks! I will definitely keep that in mind!

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