Would you drink with your kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Would you drink with your kids?
17
Tue, 03-01-2011 - 9:32am

I came across this article, thought it was interesting and wanted to share.

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Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
Tue, 03-01-2011 - 10:42am

When DSD was younger (she's now legal drinking age), we allowed her to drink in our home as long as she was there alone with us. We never offered her alcohol when she had friends over.

We actually had the opposite problem with her: she was strict about *our* drinking. LOL When DH and I first got married, DSD was 9 and her family was still active in the Mormon church and they have strict rules against drinking. We were out to dinner one night and DSD objected to me ordering a cocktail with dinner. I calmly explained to her that I was an adult and I didn't share her families' religious beliefs and I wasn't doing anything illegal or otherwise wrong, IMO. As long as we were drinking safely (i.e. designated driver), I was unwilling to change my behavior based on her religious beliefs.

RoseAnn

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2007
Tue, 03-01-2011 - 1:01pm
I don't know but I'm thinking no. One kid I grew up with started drinking pretty early, 14-16. I remember his mom giving me a beer to give to him when I was in 6th grade; it was weird (of course, alcohol was a horrible thing in my house and my mom was really weird about it, which has made me be weird about it a bit but I'm growing out of it now). He's an adult now and drinks quiet a bit, I think but so does his dad. My step brother was allowed to drink in HS, I also remember having to go to his room and asking if he wanted a beer. His life is a mess now. My MIL promotes drinking as the cool thing to do and if you don't do it you are a loser...that type of mentality. She made a pact with her kids that if either were drunk and needed a ride home to call, which is totally cool and weird at the same time. The stories she tells are just mind blowing like being so drunk that she can only remember waking up in a broken bed naked with another woman. She's extremely proud of that among her other drunken escapades. I don't know how old DH was when he started drinking but when he was around 21, he had a ton of liquor in his system and they find it hilarious while I am somewhat horrified at what happened. I don't find promoting being drunk to be cool, sorry. I've been around nephew since he was 2 and MIL has always shared her margarita with him when we go out. She laughs about it but again, don't exactly find it funny. OK my tangent is over.

I know I don't want to be the way my mom was with me nor do I want to be like MIL, so I definitely need to find a happy medium.
Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Wed, 03-02-2011 - 10:59am

When our sons were about 20 & 18 we did allow them to drink with us,
However it was once a year on Christmas Eve where we stayed in & played board games.
Now they are way past the legal age :)




iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2005
Wed, 03-02-2011 - 11:10am
Having seen this from the European viewpoint I firmly disagree that introducing them to alcohol early is a good thing. It doesnt make them make good decisions and prevent under age intoxication.
When my children are 21 they can chose whether or not to drink but until then they can watch me have a glass of wine and see that all things in moderation is the way to proceed.
Avatar for msally99
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-02-2011 - 12:40pm

Except for maybe a small glass of champagne on a very special occasion, I would not allow my children to drink before they were the legal age.

I don't necessarily agree with the legal age being 21, and I know lots of kids are responsible enough to handle alcohol before that age. However, regularly allowing children to drink at home is not responsible parenting. It is a parent's duty to raise an adult who can contribute to society. Each person can have an impact on the society at large, and if there are rules or laws a person doesn't like, they should work to change them. Ignoring laws we don't agree with doesn't work.

I do agree that exposure to alcohol can demystify it and reduce the chances of binge drinking later on. But I think the way to do that is for parents to model responsible and appropriate use of alcohol in front of their children, while saying "you can do this when you're old enough."

As a whole, I think it's pathetic how this country has become afraid to say no to our children. There's nothing wrong with telling a kid that they're not old enough to do X yet, but

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Wed, 03-02-2011 - 1:41pm

Well it is illegal here to let kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Wed, 03-02-2011 - 11:27pm

My FOO is Italian, and so I was allowed small (less than 4 oz) of wine with dinner from the time I was about 15.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 4:46am

I did and all my children have grown up with a healthy respect for alcohol.

They never saw it as a dare

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2011
Fri, 03-25-2011 - 6:32pm

When I was a teen (15, 16) my best friend would have parties in her basement. As long as we were quiet enough her folks would usually leave us be. Occasionally there would be drinking. Everyone who was there knew eachother for years. NO ONE drank and left the house. Did I get more drunk than I should have at times? Sure. But we were never out. Never driving, never getting into trouble. We just sat in the basement. I was afraid to drink anywhere else.

I look back at that experience and I think while I wouldn't want a basement full of drunk teenager, I don't want the topic to be taboo either. At home I wasn't really allowed to drink, but would occasionally get a sip of mom's wine. It was also understood that if I was ever in a situation that I needed to get away from that mom (as pissed as she might be) would always come get me. I think that it was a good thing to have my experiences with alcohol be safe and controlled. I'd rather my kids be somewhere safe than have them illegally be at a bar or in a park or at a party with people they don't know. I'd rather them spend the night then get a call at midnight from my crying child who is drunk and confused and scared. I'd rather teach my child about alcohol and what it means to be drunk and the possible consequences then just tell them YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED UNTIL YOU'RE 21!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Fri, 03-25-2011 - 6:48pm

OK, this is probably slightly off topic, but I was out with a group of woman once.

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