WoW and marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2007
WoW and marriage
5
Fri, 07-29-2011 - 12:56pm
My DH has been playing World of Warcraft and other similar types of video and computer games for about 7 years now (we've been married for 3) but his addiction hasn't bothered me horribly until now. He works outside the home for 9 hours Mon-Fri and when he gets home at 6:30 each night, he has some dinner and heads to his computer. He stays there playing until about 11:30-midnight every night. Weekends are worse if I don't put my foot down and get us out of the house.

I don't mind that he has hobbies... But I feel so neglected whe he starts in on his games. I make sure to get all of my errands, workout, and finish working by the time he gets home because I'm excited to spend time with him. I've become resentful towards him because I feel like all we have to say these days is small talk. When we begin to argue, I counter by saying that there's other things in life besides computer games, which makes him blow up!

The sex is very minimal and he's always the one to initiate, but I just feel unattracted and defensive. When we do have it (because I've given in), I want it to be over as soon as possible.

Is anyone else dealing with a marriage to a gamer? How did you solve this?

I'm not sure how much more I can take.

We have no kids yet, so if we do split up in the future, there won't be any messy arrangements.
amy
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Sat, 07-30-2011 - 10:09pm

You've gotten a lot of great advice already. My DH is trained - so when he's ready to run off to the computer, he'll ask me if it's okay. We have young children tho and I was getting tired of being "on" while he was having recreational time on the computer. If anything, I am much worse for computer time but I only do it when the kids are in bed and the work is done. He used to escape while there were dishes to do, diapers to change and baths to be had :)

Another point I wanted to make was this; why do you feel so unattractive? Is it really just the fact that your DH spends lots of time on the computer?? Or are you working from home and falling into some rut? I ask bc it seems a little weird that you were fine w/this before and now you see it as a deal breaker for your marriage. Something had to change there...what was it? I ask bc he might not understand that things have changed for you...

Sounds like you two need to reconnect and rediscover why you enjoy spending time together and love each other. DH and I have always had the ability to talk for hours on end. The other day the baby was up until 11:30pm - he just wasn't tired and wanted to play. SO we layed on the bed with him and talked for over 2 hours w/no TV, no radio or computers. Just face time while our baby played at our feet.

Good luck and I hope you find each other again,

Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Sat, 07-30-2011 - 3:31pm

Not to be rude, but if you reject him and acts like he is most horrible thing in the world when you have sex, off course he is going to escape into the games. He is liked, loved and appreciated there, he doesn't feel that at home.

So it become a bad circle, you make him feel worthless and he runs into the games to get away and that makes you feel worthless and so on.

To break the pattern, you have to try to love him again and make him feel loved when you spend time together, yes that means to

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Fri, 07-29-2011 - 7:16pm

Nice to see you here,
However sorry to hear about wha'ts going on ..
I have to say I do agree with the others in that you sit down with DH & Have a heart to heart with him.
Hopefully others will have other suggestions as well.
Let us know how things are going :)




Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
Fri, 07-29-2011 - 5:18pm

I can relate. We have been married for 15 years and DH has played for as long as the technology has been available. LOL It's no longer WoW but he plays other similar games and the time commitment has ebbed and flowed over the years.

I agree with the previous poster about sitting down and coming to some agreements on certain nights a week that he won't play or that you can agree to spend together. Communication is the key.

Currently, DH and I both work standard M-F, 8-5 jobs. When we get home from work, we'll go for a walk or look at the garden for a few minutes together. Then we fix and eat dinner together and usually watch TV for an hour or so after. Then we go our separate ways; sometimes I continue watching TV alone, make phone calls, or we'll both end up doing computer things side by side. ;)

The one line in your post that had me concerned was <We have no kids yet, so if we do split up in the future, there won't be any messy arrangements.> IMO, that should never be the way that you look at challenges in your marriage because that is just looking for the marriage to fail eventually. While the statement may be true, you need to focus on ways to resolve issues, not be relieved that you don't really have to.

I hope that you can find a compromise that works for the two of you.

RoseAnn

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2011
Fri, 07-29-2011 - 1:47pm

My husband is a gamer as well but not to this extent.