You Marriage? Interesting Questions....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
You Marriage? Interesting Questions....
40
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 11:39am

Please answer the questions before reading the paragraphs below.

How Do You Protect your Marriage, form threats, cheating, etc,?

If someone approaches you at a bar or something, how do you handle it? How do you resist cheating?

What Makes a Good and "Happy Marriage:?

Do you consider you Marriage an important part of your identity?

Do you have a lot of positives in your marriages? Do you celebrate the positives? (Making a big deal of the small stuff? )

Do you have high standers, and expectations in your Marriage?

Are you happy within yourself, and if so, or if not, do you think that affects your marriage?

These were questions that were on the Today Show from a marriage book called "For Better", and I thought that they were interesting, They say that women instinctively protect their relationship, and also that it is a part of their identity. The positives in your marriage, even the very small ones, if you celebrate, do something new, simple or fun, the positivity keeps love alive. Happy couples set high standards for each other, if you have a low standard for your marriage, that's what you'll get, vise versa. Couples that have high standers are couples that last for the long haul. Also, if you expect your partner to make you happy, your making a mistake, you have to be a happy, for the two of you to be happy together. You get what you ask for. One thing that the author was really stressing was the positivity, and celebrating positivity. Also, have lots of sex.

All of the things that I have written in the previous paragraph, were proven statistically, in this book. I thought the questions would be fun. She had a lot of numbers and percentages to go along with what I paraphrased, from her interview. It looks like a good book. It focuses on Happy Marriages, and how to keep your marriage happy.

I thought these would be fun questions!

* Robyn *

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Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 1:30pm

How Do You Protect your Marriage, form threats, cheating, etc,? ~We keep the lines of communication open and tell each other what is going on with us, good or bad. We also have a great deal of trust built up from years of being together and knowing that we don't have to be suspicious or jealous or controlling of each other's behavior.


If someone approaches you at a bar or something, how do you handle it? How do you resist cheating? ~I am polite but make it clear that I am unavailable. I don't spend a lot of time at bars (without DH) but I was hit on the other day when dropping something off at the frame store. I was flattered but quickly pointed out that I was married (and having something framed for my *grandson* LOL); I just wasn't wearing my ring that day.


What Makes a Good and "Happy Marriage:? ~Love, laughter, trust, honesty, history


Do you consider you Marriage an important part of your identity? ~Yes


Do you have a lot of positives in your marriages? Do you celebrate the positives? (Making a big deal of the small stuff? ) ~Yes and we do try to focus on those positives instead of dwelling on the negatives or challenging aspects of our marriage.


Do you have high standards, and expectations in your Marriage?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 3:36pm

How Do You Protect your Marriage, form threats, cheating, etc,?
We're a team. Yes, there is a him and me, but there is also a we. And that's how we present ourselves, that's how we see ourselves. We are part of each other.

If someone approaches you at a bar or something, how do you handle it? How do you resist cheating?
I've never had this problem. But then again, I very rarely go anywhere without DH with me. If someone approached me, I'd just hold up my left hand and show him my wedding rings and tell him no, thank you.

What Makes a Good and "Happy Marriage:?
Listening to each other, supporting one another, being the other person's sounding board, being best friends, spending time together, sharing the good times and the bad, not blaming the other person for the bad times.

Do you consider you Marriage an important part of your identity?
Yes, it is.

Do you have a lot of positives in your marriages? Do you celebrate the positives? (Making a big deal of the small stuff? )
Yes, we always keep the positive in mind. When one of us is sad or depressed the other one tries to bolster him/her up.

Do you have high standers, and expectations in your Marriage?
We don't have super high expectations because neither one of us is perfect. Sometimes we fall short of our goals. Sometimes we simply have bad luck. You have to be realistic and keep this in mind that sometimes life just doesn't happen the way you'd like it to.

Are you happy within yourself, and if so, or if not, do you think that affects your marriage?
I'm basically happy with myself, but there are some things that can be improved. And yes, it affects my marriage, but I don't blame DH for what can be improved within myself.

sisterhoney61
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2008
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 3:36pm

How Do You Protect your Marriage, form threats, cheating, etc,?


There are no threats. IMHO a good, solid, healthy marriage doesnt need protection from so called threats. (a fortress of stone need not fear a struck match)


If someone approaches you at a bar or something, how do you handle it? How do you resist cheating?


I dont have to resist. The definition of resist is "To keep from giving in to or enjoying." I have zero desire to cheat and I know I wouldnt enjoy it

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Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 4:24pm

There's a great scene in the movie "Moonstruck" in which the character Mrs. Castorini (a woman in her 70s) is standing outside her house with an NYU professor with whom she's just had an impromptu dinner at her favorite restaurant (she was dining alone there while her husband was at the opera with his mistress, and the professor has dinner with her and walks her home). The professor asks if they can go into her house, and she says no. "Oh, there are people home?" he asks. "No," she replies, "I think the house is empty. I can't invite you in because I'm married. And because I know who I am."

Exactly! You can't have a happy marriage without knowing in your heart that you're married and that it's part of your identity.

However, there are any number of threats to a marriage that have nothing to do with sexual or emotional infidelity, and focusing on "cheating" as THE issue is short-sighted, just like focusing on having lots of sex in the marriage misses the point. Selfishness, insecurity, lack of generosity and trust - those are the things that make for an unhappy marriage, and they can manifest just as easily with a spouse who makes more time for friends, videogames, TV, sports, shopping, etc. than with his/her partner - in fact all of those things are more likely to make for an unhappy marriage than the drama of an affair, because they chip away at the qualities of sharing, respect, and self-giving that characterize a good marriage.

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 7:13pm

How Do You Protect your Marriage, form threats, cheating, etc,?
There is no reason for us to protect ..
Never has been an issue & can say never will be.

          Click & Join the fun!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 7:20pm

These are really kinda loaded questions that you can answer each one in paragraphs


Please answer the questions before reading the paragraphs below.


How Do You Protect your Marriage, form threats, cheating, etc,? IF I FELT THOSE THREATS I WOULDNT BE MARRIED...NO SECOND CHANCES FOR ME. IF NOT CHEATING IT COULD BE VERBAL ABUSE, DRUGS, DRINKING..... I'M GONE...BTDT


If someone approaches you at a bar or something, how do you handle it? How do you resist cheating? I AM NICE AND SAY GOODBY AND USUALLY VERY FUNNY ABOUT IT. IT HAPPENS HERE AT WORK ALL THE TIME


What Makes a Good and "Happy Marriage:?LOVE, TRUST, RESPECT, APPRECIATION AND MUST HAVE HUMOR


Do you consider you Marriage an important part of your identity?YES, I AM PROUD TO BE MARRIED TO MY HUSBAND


Do you have a lot of positives in your marriages? Do you celebrate the positives? (Making a big deal of the small stuff? ) I DON'T MAKE A BIG DEAL AFTER 26 YEARS.

Denise

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 8:00pm

How Do You Protect your Marriage, form threats, cheating, etc,?


*** Just by staying connected and plugged in with one another.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 12:16pm

Ok, I have to answer my questions now!

How Do You Protect Your Marriage from threats, cheating, etc..?
I know there are a lot of threats for a marriage, not communicating, things like that, and I make sure that we talk every day, because my Husband is not the best communicate. Cheating, is not a threat in our marriage, we really love each other, and are truly happy with each other, and I think that you have to maintain happiness.

If Someone Approaches you at a Bar or Something, How do you Handle it? How do you resist cheating?
I don't have to "resist" cheating, because i have no desire to cheat, but if someone approaches me, I will flash my rings.

What Makes a "Good, Happy Marriage"?
I think a good happy marriage is different for everyone, I am happy in my marriage, I love my Husband, I think that's the short answer!

Do you consider your Marriage an important part of your identity?
Yes. Absolutely.

Do you Have a Lot of Positives in your Marriage? Do you Celebrate the positives? (Making a big deal of the small stuff?)
You know, we do have a lot of positives. A lot. After listening to the interview with the Author of this book, I don't think we celebrate enough. I think we could celebrate more things. It actually opened my eyes a bit.

Do you have High Standards and Expectations in your Marriage?
Yes. We both hold marriage to a very high standard. We try and solve any problems before they become a problem, we want our marriage to be happy,and healthy. I think we do everything we can to "nourish" our marriage. You have to constantly try, and work, and I think we both understand that. Marriage is work, even when your happy. We love each other so much.

Are you happy within yourself, and if so, or if not, do you think that affects your marriage?
I am happy with myself. Yes that does affect our marriage. There have been times, I'm not happy with myself, and that too affected my marriage.

* Robyn *

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 12:37pm

I know these were questions that could be answered with a novel! I just thought they would be interesting. The first question, I should have refrase that. A threat to your marriage, is not always cheating, Like I wrote, I have to keep an eye on our communication, because my Husband still struggles with spitting things out, or just voicing his opinion. Just an example, that "threats" aren't always cheating, and I should have refrase.

Also with saying How do you resist cheating< I should of said, how do you handle being approached, even at the grocery store, because I too, hardly ever go out with my Husband. Looking back at some of the frasing, I could have done better. Sorry!

Just thought I'd throw this out there! Hugs everyone, and I hope you enjoy the questions, I thought they were interesting,

* Robyn *

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 1:27pm

You make a good point, which is why I sent out a post to say that a threat didn't always mean cheating. If you read my post, communication is our threat, because my Husband, it's just not his strong suit. We work together to make sure we are communicating enough. When I made these questions, I thought they would be neat to see what every one had to say, and I was typing and listening to the Author speak as well. I totally agree with all you said, and I am glad you answered the way you did! It is so neat to hear everyone's opinion about Marriage. That's why I thought these questions would be cool, something different than the norm.

* Robyn *

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