Your SO and the opposite sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2007
Your SO and the opposite sex
18
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 5:54pm

As I was reading Dear Abby today it made me wonder which side are you on.

Here is the article:

DEAR ABBY: My job requires me to travel out of town several nights a week, leaving my wife home alone. She recently invited a mutual (male) friend out for dinner during my absence. He's the other half of a couple we socialize with frequently. (His wife was also out of town.)

I told her I was uncomfortable with it. I don't think married men and women should go out alone with members of the opposite sex. She maintains that it wasn't a "date," that she was just having a meal with a friend.

I value your opinion and would like to know how you feel about this. Did I overreact? Is it appropriate for a married woman to go out for a meal alone with a man other than her husband? -- FEELING CHEATED ON IN ILLINOIS

DEAR FEELING CHEATED ON: With some couples this wouldn't be an issue. However, how I feel about it is not as important as how you feel about it. If you have explained your feelings to your wife and she knows it made you uncomfortable -- innocent as it was -- then it shouldn't be repeated. I can't help but wonder how she would react if you told her you had run into the man's wife on one of your business trips and the two of you had had dinner together -- and plan to do so again in the future.

If you were in the husbands position, would you have a problem?

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Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Tue, 03-22-2011 - 11:43pm
sugarrush66 wrote:

As I was reading Dear Abby today it made me wonder which side are you on.

If you were in the husbands position, would you have a problem?




iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2007
Wed, 03-23-2011 - 9:31am
I've edited my original post to include it.
Avatar for msally99
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-23-2011 - 9:47am

Sugar - I read this column, and I agreed with Abby that if one spouse is doing something the other spouse is uncomfortable with, then it's a problem. Of course, this assumes that the uncomfortable spouse is not controlling or unnecessarily jealous by nature.

I work in a very small office; it's just me, my boss (a woman), and one guy. He and I are buddies - we talk a lot during the day, and we take breaks together because we're both smokers. However, I've made it very clear to DH that if he ever has an issue with this, all he has to do is tell me. DH has met my friend, and he doesn't worry that I would do anything wrong.

Avatar for mrosie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2000
Wed, 03-23-2011 - 10:14am

Thanks for posting the text of the letter! I was having trouble getting to the link last night to read before answering.

Personally, I'm a firm believer in every couple doing what works for them.

The scenario that is presented in the letter would not be an issue for DH and I. He is good friends with his female supervisor and they eat lunch out together once a week or so and have also travelled together on business.

I have also had male coworkers that have become close friends of mine. At one particular job, I commuted quite a distance to work and it was impractical for them to socialize with us at our home more than once or twice a year. I even had the occasion to stay at a married male coworker's home when weather prevented me from driving home.

I know not all couples operate on that same level of trust and acceptance. If one or the other of the partners has an issue, it should be discussed and resolved in a way that suits them both. It may also be helpful to look at the underlying issues that may be causing the reaction.

RoseAnn

Avatar for hugss
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Wed, 03-23-2011 - 11:13am

Thanks for writing it in Sunny,
There would be no problem for either DH & I ..
Whether it was him or me ..
We each have married friends & if one went to a meal with another .. it's all ok here :)




iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Wed, 03-23-2011 - 3:52pm

p
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Registered: 04-21-2008
Thu, 03-24-2011 - 10:29am

Great idea to bring to the board, Sunny!

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Avatar for msally99
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-24-2011 - 11:46am

Tasha - I don't think that's strange at all. If your DH had a female friend who was single (or you didn't know her DH), there might be more temptation.

IMO, the best friendship between a man and woman can happen if they're both *happily* married to other people. If you have zero interest in anything outside your marriage, you can have an opposite sex friend with none of the sexual tension that might otherwise be there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2007
Thu, 03-24-2011 - 12:35pm
I see your point, Tasha. All the females that I can think of DH dining with I know. Most of them are single though, that I know of, and well they may not be single but they aren't married or even in the engaged stage. I also know they don't have what I have- that sounds a bit pompous and I'm not normally like that but I know they are not even DH's type and they don't bathe regularly, LOL. Yes, I have bathing on them. Haha. They also annoy DH a tad. DH has one friend I am not really comfortable with that I have never met. She wants to get together sometime this Spring with us. I don't really look forward to it but I know my uncomfortableness with/about her has calmed down a lot since we got married.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Thu, 03-24-2011 - 3:09pm

Yesh, for god sake grow up.

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