Is being with the man i love worth the risk of losing him?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Is being with the man i love worth the risk of losing him?
Sun, 08-26-2012 - 1:45pm

Im 26 and have been close friends with this guy for 5yrs, He is 34 and from England, im from the US, He and i have always been very close, Traveling to see each other often. Last year he told me he had feelings for me but i had already started dating someone, I was shocked and told him i couldn't risk losing our friendship if we didn't work out and that i couldn't bare not having him in my life. He told me that just being with me is enough for him, that it was just wishful thinking but he just wishes i would settle for him, that he truly believed he could make me happy if i gave him a chance. My last relationship ended a little over 3wks ago, I've had a history of bad relationship, I seem to attracted idiots. I cant get him off my mind so i suprised him this week when i flew over to see him, I hadnt seem him in over a month, As i have no place to stay he said i could crash at his place til i got myself on my feet, He is a touring musician & he always tells me that he loves having me with him, I go to a lot of his bands shows and we are never 5ft away from one another, He always tells me he is no good without me, Previously I've went with him all over Europe, The other night when we were watching tv i asked him about his love life and asked if he had anyone on his mind lately, He said "No, not really just you. I've been thinking about how hot you are." and then laughed, said he was kidding, I laughed & called him an idiot then snuggled into him and said i may stay cause everything i needs is right here. Although i never thought of him as anything more than my friend after he told me last year how he felt i keep thinking about him. After his bands show the other night he was talking to two chicks and i was sitting at the bar with our friend, He & i kept making eye contatct, I'll admit i got very jealous so i walked up to him and started hugging him and stayed there til they left, When we got back to his place i didn't speak much to him and went to bed, I realised that i've started to fall in love with him. Some guy gave me his number the other day, although i wasnt intrested, When i got home he seen the guys number & started to act weird towards me and then said that maybe i shouldnt stay at his place for much longer, I felt so hurt, He has been acting distant with me and im terrifed i'll loe him in some way.I really need advice on what i should do, I've decided to stay in the UK, I don't want to risk our friendship but i know im falling for him, What do i do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Alyssa, I'm going to discuss the idea of keeping him as a friend.  

Thing is, friendships are platonic - therefore your friendship with him is already gone.  It's moved on further than that and there's no going backwards.    Even if you had no feelings for him, the fact that he feels more for you than basic friendship still means that it can never be just friends.

Further, the fact that he can't handle you seeing someone other than him (and vice verca!) further indicates that friendship is no longer an option.

I realise that you are scared of losing him if the relationship goes bad.   And yes, it will happen if the relationship sours.  But he's already crossed the line and you're not far behind.  Remember, you can't unring a bell.    The only way now is forward.