Confused about marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2013
Confused about marriage
11
Sun, 02-24-2013 - 2:22am

Hi everyone.

I have a small issue going on right now. I'm almost 27 and have been with the same person for about 9 years. We have lived together for about 3 years now (with his family). Recently, we went to see a jeweler and he had an engagement ring made. It was all very exciting. I was very upset after Christmas when he did not propose. I went on and on about how it was always a dream of mine to be proposed to during Christmas and when he didn`t make that dream come true, it really crushed my heart. We had a talk about it - very open, very honest - and he told me that he didn`t have insurance for the ring. I knew that this was very important and felt that I was being foolish. We moved on. However, since then I am always secretly hoping he will propose soon. It`s been really killing me because I psych myself up..and then..nothing. I have been really honest with him in that this whole thing is really starting to take it`s toll on me (I`m also a student and have intense pressures in my family life). I know that it is self-inflicted but after 9 years I`m ready and I don`t want to wait a single second more to marry this man. I love him to pieces and I`m very happy with him.

This is my problem.

I`m not sure if it`s the stress of the situation (that I am bringing upon myself) or if I am somehow changing....but I am no longer excited, no longer hoping, no longer dreaming! I feel as though he could ask me to marry him and it would be like any other question (could you pass the newspaper, what time are you coming home, are you gonna eat that sandwhich etc.) It`s like this whole thing has taken every ounce of passion and excitement away. It doesn`t help that I am a maid of honour for the second time in a row to important people in my life. I have been constantly swarmed with weddings, marriage, dresses, flowers, blah, blah, blah for the last two years. The problem is I feel like I don`t even know what I feel anymore! It`s really scaring me because if and when he does ask, this isn`t how I want to feel. I want to be happy and excited but I can`t help but wonder why I`m not anymore. I try to talk to him about it but he seems too focused on making it a surprise or creating a perfect this or that...that he`s not seeing what it`s putting me through. This is just torture and I feel terrible. I don`t really have anyone I can talk to about this so any advice would be great.

Thank you!

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2010
Tue, 02-26-2013 - 2:09am

What I think is odd is his claim about not having insurance on the ring.  You can insure the ring yourself, or he can just have it added to your homeowners or renters insurance policy.  It's really not a huge deal or even expensive.  It just seems like a weak excuse.

When you say he had an engagement ring made, did he actually pay for and pick up the ring?  Might something have happened that would have prevented him from buying the ring that he's embarrassed to talk about?

After nine years together where you've been living togethre for three, it just doesn't make sense that he hasn't asked yet IF he has the ring and WANTS to be married.  Is marriage something that's important to him?

Pages