The hard ways and advices

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2009
The hard ways and advices
6
Fri, 11-09-2012 - 11:27pm

 

Hello,

I have learned the hard lessons. I have had bad experinces too.

I have the advices for you that may work for you:

DO NOT ATTEMPT live in with your partner ever. DO NOT ATTEMPT have sex with anyone at all.

BECAUSE IF you want to keep a good person in your life, Do not have sex or move in together either.

Why? sex is dangerous and living in with someone is not a good idea, can ruin your life also.

Marriage and Common in Law both are the same and make no differece. People get divorced everyday anyway.

People breaking up their relationship everyday.

Why? men are a@@hole and men don't know how to treat right and men do not know how to love either. Men like to use women

whatever men need to. Men are so selfish and are so pig.

Go live alone for rest of your life. I know life sucks. so sad anyway.

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Tue, 01-15-2013 - 1:35pm

dabela wrote:
Hi, I just came across this message and I had to laugh. It sounds like one of those "I've been disappointed in love" songs. How many of you are old enough to remember "What Do You Get When You Fall in Love" (late 60s early 70s)? The song lists all the things that are wrong with falling in love and keeps saying "I'll never fall in love again," but in the last repetition, the song ends with, "So, for at least, until tomorrow,/ I'll never fall in love again." Dabby

 

whoo hoo!! My age is showing now, LOL!!! I remember that song--a Dionne Warwick and Burt Bacharach collaboration.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
Wed, 12-19-2012 - 12:18pm
Hi, I just came across this message and I had to laugh. It sounds like one of those "I've been disappointed in love" songs. How many of you are old enough to remember "What Do You Get When You Fall in Love" (late 60s early 70s)? The song lists all the things that are wrong with falling in love and keeps saying "I'll never fall in love again," but in the last repetition, the song ends with, "So, for at least, until tomorrow,/ I'll never fall in love again." We've all felt that love is not worth the pain and heartache and that relationships are a hardship more than a pleasure. Sometimes. But the feeling doesn't usually last very long because human beings like sex and like to pair bond for extended periods. It's hard wired in us. This need to pair up and the urge for sex sometimes lead to mistakes and I think that this is why sometimes some of us may feel that it is better to be alone. Because love is so important in our lives, betrayed love is extremely painful. But to say that we will avoid love and relationships because we had a couple of bad ones is like saying that we will stop eating completely because we got food poisoning. :) I'm in the process of reconsidering a relationship right now. It hurts. But I don't think that love and sex are not worth the pain that relationships sometimes cause. If this one ends, I may not have another. (I am getting close to 60 and at my age people just have too much baggage.) But with all the pain that my past relationships have brought, there has also been a lot of pleasure. My life would have been empty without love and sex. The pain... well, sometimes I wish there were less of it, but in the words of another song from a 60's musical ("Try to Remember" from "The Fantastiks"), "without a hurt, the heart is hollow." Hang in there, all of you who hurt. Dabby
Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Thu, 11-29-2012 - 10:49pm

wildhummingbird wrote:
<p> </p><p>Hello,</p><p>I have learned the hard lessons. I have had bad experinces too.</p><p>I have the advices for you that may work for you:</p><p>DO NOT ATTEMPT live in with your partner ever. DO NOT ATTEMPT have sex with anyone at all.</p><p>BECAUSE IF you want to keep a good person in your life, Do not have sex or move in together either.</p><p>Why? sex is dangerous and living in with someone is not a good idea, can ruin your life also.</p><p>Marriage and Common in Law both are the same and make no differece. People get divorced everyday anyway.</p><p>People breaking up their relationship everyday.</p><p>Why? men are <a href="mailto:a@@hole" rel="nofollow">a@@hole</a> and men don't know how to treat right and men do not know how to love either. Men like to use women</p><p>whatever men need to. Men are so selfish and are so pig.</p><p>Go live alone for rest of your life. I know life sucks. so sad anyway.</p>

Thanks, but that's ok... Your advice will not work.

I like men and I like sex, especially with the one I love. I've lived with two men in my life and I would not change that nor would I avoid it in the future.  Yes, I've been hurt by a few, but I've also learned not to give them permission to treat me badly--and I know how to recognize incompatibility and I'm not afraid to be by myself until a better man comes along. 

It would appear that you are miles, if not a universe, away from understanding that.

A good man, unless he's got prostate issues or crippling emotional issues, isn't going to sign up for celibacy outside the priesthood.

good luck in getting there-you're going to need it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2012
Wed, 11-28-2012 - 2:21am

WOW!  Bitter much?  I get that this is a vent, and someone hurt you recently, but these statements go against everything that has actually worked in my marriage!

First off, I've been married to the SAME MAN and have 3 children with the SAME MAN for almost 23 years now.  I do know exactly what I'm talking about is what I am trying to say.

I lived with Sean for a year before he left for Special Forces Training in the Army.  We were married mostly so that I would also have military benefits.  Not romantic, but it was fine since we were planning to be married that year later on anyhow.  He moved in when we only dated for THREE MONTHS too!  Wow.

Now, he is far from an a-hole.  Oh, he can be, but girls, lets face it, every single one of us can be a b*tch too.  No one is ever the perfect partner from heaven, Men or Women.  Sex is something that should be with someone you love deeply, but DO NOT wipe that out of your relationships!  Crap, I know this sounds slutty but I want to drive the car before I buy it!

I was proposed to 3 times prior to saying yes to Sean.  By 3 different men.  One of them I never lived with and if I had lived with him, I would have not wasted 2 years dating the jerk.  See, he is gay AND he has no problems with hitting a woman.  I found out about the hitting women portion here when he punched me from the drivers side of his car while driving, I opened the door and rolled out of the moving car.  That was the end of it for me.  Then I came to find out that he was sleeping with an acting "friend" of mine who was gay!

So, to all other ladies reading, take comfort in knowing that not only can you live with a man in happiness and marry him later where it lasts through all the trials of over 20 years (probably more for us, we are still going strong).  And sex is natural and a part of the way we are made up as human beings.  It brings 2 people closer and it's so nice to have that connection.

I think that this poster will end up so much worse off than she would if she TRIED.  Marriage, relationships and everything that goes with it is HARD!  Whomever thinks that it's a piece of cake has never been in a relationship with staying power.  First off, marry that guy you are not just attracted to, but one you know isn't lazy or annoying as well.  Get to know them best by LIVING WITH THEM FOR A WHILE!

My own hubby is actually great.  He cooks, cleans, helps out and we have a very firm agreement that we work as a team.  So, never marry someone who wants to either run the relationship or someone that wants you to run it, marry the guy that believes in equally sharing the responsibility.

There you have it.  I guessed that the poster in this thread is probably a person just posting negative crap to get a rise out of folks, at least it gets us talking though!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2010
Mon, 11-12-2012 - 11:06am
Wow, that's a bit dramatic, don't you think? I'm sorry about whatever happened to you in your past relationships, but not all men are pigs and life doesn't suck. Whoever treated your poorly obviously has issues, but don't let their issues affect you so negatively. If you ever want to talk, we're here to listen.
Avatar for junew70
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2011
Mon, 11-12-2012 - 11:05am

I've had both good and bad experiences living with partners. I read somewhere that marriages last longer if the couple doesn't live together first. Not sure what I think about that. I lived with my husband for 4 years before we got married. So far so good!

Laughing I don't have much to say. Laughing