How do I know if I'm wasting my time?!?!
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|Sun, 09-16-2012 - 9:46am|
My bf and I have been together for a year and a half. We have been living together (with my 6 year old son...whom is not his), for 6 months. When I ask what he wants one day (not necessarily with me so he didn't feel pressured), he says that he DOES want to get married and have kids one day. Btw....I am 28 and he is 31. Well, he can't even say the WORD MARRIED without looking terrified. I asked him last night if he wants to marry me one day and he said "I don't know. It's WAAAY too soon." I flat out told him that while he may want to get married one day, that I think that he is afraid of marriage. He then admitted that he never thought of it that way and that I am right. He was with his ex for 4 years and said he didn't give marriage a thought until the very end...and only b/c it felt like the right thing to do but never proposed. He said that they did say that they wanted to get married "one day" and did talk about it. But when I bring it up, he clams up and doesn't like talking about it. He looks scared and barely says anything.
I wanted to make sure that I am not wasting my time, so last night, I told him that I would like to be engaged in anywhere between a year and a half to two years from now and to get married within 3 years. He looked scared and said nothing. I said "what do you think?" and he said "uh...I don't know. That seems soon. People change and I don't want to end up divorced like my mom and dad." So I said "what is the LEAST amount of time that would go by before you did propose?" and he said "I don't know. Maybe a year and a half." I dropped it at that point after he said he felt like I was issuing an ultimatum and felt pressured.
I barely slept last night b/c I was so hurt. He has even said before that he didn't know if I am "the one" and that it would take years for him to know. I, for one, know he is MY one. Why doesn't he? I am so hurt and almost feel like I am wasting my time. I do EVERYTHING for him! I clean and cook and even always buy him little gifts at the store so he knows I was thinking of him. He even has some personal problems going on and I have been more than supportive and understanding. He even thanks me for it quite often. But I am really starting to feel like I am doing it all for nothing.
My question is, is he afraid of marriage or afraid of marriage with me? He says "if I didn't want to be with you, we wouldn't have moved in together." But then again, I kind of had to push that also. Am I wasting my time? :-(