Living together but next door to his parents
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|Fri, 02-07-2014 - 5:52am|
I am looking for some outside advice. Mainly because I am not sure how I feel about a particular situation between me and my BF. We’re arguing at the moment.
I moved country to be with him (this was following 2 years of him living with me in my country)
We had a long distance relationship before that.
So here we are 4 years further down the line. I’ve been living in his country now for almost 2 years. Since we arrived we moved into an apartment that his parents had created for us. It’s an extension from their house, only separated so that we are at least separated into 2 places. It was an ideal solution for 2 people relocated with no money and no job.
However when we did move into the apartment it was the intention to make it only temporary - 2 years max we said.
But then BF found it hard to get a job when we first arrived it took 1 year to be exact, so that really set us back from saving for our own place.
Another year down the line and I am now pregnant (4 months). It was planned because we’re both 30 and I have wanted kids for years already. However now with a baby on the way I have agreed to stay for another year or 2 so that we can continue to save for our own place. His mother has also offered to look after the baby for 1 or 2 days per week if I chose to work part time.
BF wants to buy a house eventually, and renting to him is not an option but we don’t have the right criteria for buying a house yet which is a permanent work contract. It looks like BF will get that this year though so we’re edging closer to that bit by bit.
I stand by the decisions we made to live so close to his parents considering it is saving us heaps of money because we don’t pay rent.
But I also really feel that it’s important to move out to have our own freedom and independence and to be ‘adults’
Now a particular problem has surfaced and it’s become apparent to me that his parents just won’t allow him to grow up. They like to still give him advice but in a way of actually telling him what is right and wrong. They are a very strongly opinionated family which I’ve become quite used to, but the way in which they still want to control him and us as a couple annoys the hell out of me. With them living so close they are able to knock whenever they want or even ask us questions in passing. The do respect our privacy, they don’t let themselves in or anything, but it’s more the way that they need to know everything we are up to, where we are going at the weekends etc. etc.. and even if we aren’t going anywhere they’ll mention it by passing a comment about us ‘sitting on the sofa all day’
We both work full time and we both like to be lazy at the weekends sometimes. I feel that they don’t approve of this, but in my opinion it is none of their business if we want to live like that whether we’re living in their place or not. It’s a contact juggling act between them being helpful and them interfering. If I go away for a weekend to visit my family, I come back to find that his mum has washed our clothes, I find that strange. This list goes on… there are lots of other things that get under my skin with the way they behave. I’m sure they still think that their little boy isn’t capable of being an adult. I’m hoping that him becoming a father himself might change that. He has started to be more assertive with them when it comes to their opinions on how to live and what’s right and wrong etc. So that’s good. I just wonder if whilst we live in their property, they will always be the one in control.
I really feel that it’s important to move out to have our own freedom and independence and to be ‘adults’
But I’m also torn by the fact that we have a baby on the way, we don’t have a money tree and are quite comfortably not paying rent. If we move.
Friends tell me I’d be crazy to move out when the cost of living nowadays is so high.
I’m sorry to ramble on. I might sound like an ungrateful brat and don’t even know it.
But if this comes into your mind please tell me straight because I’m struggling to understand where my boundaries lie and what it is I actually want.. I miss my family a lot and yet I feel like I'm suffocated by his :(