New date night ideas needed BADLY!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2006
New date night ideas needed BADLY!
8
Sun, 05-12-2013 - 12:23am

So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years and have been living together for about a year.  We still go out for date nights but I am finding it super hard to come up with ideas.  He is mostly a homebody and would be content to never leave the apartment.  He does willingly agree to go out for dates and do things, but he's kinda picky at times of what to do.

-Comedy shows - He doesn't think most of them are funny

-Movies - Would rather download and watch than pay

-Arcade - Aren't many good ones around

-Ice Skate - Will not do it

-Bowling - Hurts his fingers

-Shopping - Doesn't like

-Museums - Will go to at times but if we're trying to do anything after 5/6pm, that option is out of the question.

-Local plays/small high school productions - Doesn't like

-Concerts - Feels he is too old to go to (at 30)

-Random driving around - Gas is too expensive for that (we both agree on that one)

-Spas - ha  No way

-Sports - We play sometimes but living around the Detroit area, a good six months of the year are super cold.

So in other words, I need some ideas, fast please!!!!!  I don't want things to go stale with us, but, him being so picky at times makes things a bit more challenging.  Any advice/tips/ideas would be GREATLY appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2013
Thu, 03-27-2014 - 2:15am

it´s really Interesting to see ... thank you it's well done :

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2008
Wed, 02-05-2014 - 9:34am
sorry my internet posted twice =(
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2008
Wed, 02-05-2014 - 9:33am
Breaking up for incompatibility is not a good thing (someone who replied you mentioned that). I think couples can be different if they have a strong sense of who they are as a person and how strongly they feel about their relationship. lemonade323, go out with your friends to do those things that you like. And when you're out having fun with your girlfriends, then text/call him being happy. When he sees you happy, he may want to join next time. Or he may feel happy for you and the bond can grow from sharing your happiness. I've been with my boyfriend for 4+ years. He is into video games, movies and concerts. I love to write, read and go to festivals. But we are open minded people, so we find things all of our friends can do together (hiking, beach etc..) Good luck in seeing the relationship as strong. Once you see that, then the dating will fall into place. I wish you and him the best!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2008
Wed, 02-05-2014 - 9:32am

Breaking up for incompatibility is not a good thing.  I think couples can be different if they have a strong sense of who they are as an individual and how strongly they feel about their relationship. 

 lemonade323, go out with your friends to do those things that you like.  And when you're out having fun with your girlfriends, then text/call him being happy.  When he sees you happy, he may want to join next time.  Or he may feel happy for you and that bond can grow from sharing your happiness. 

I've been with my boyfriend for 4+ years.  He is into video games, movies and concerts.  I love to write, read and go to festivals.  But we are open minded people, so we find things all of our friends can do together (hiking, beach etc..)

Good luck in seeing the relationship as strong.  Once you see that, then the dating will fall into place.  I wish you and him the best!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2008
Wed, 02-05-2014 - 9:32am

Breaking up for incompatibility is not a good thing.  I think couples can be different if they have a strong sense of who they are as an individual and how strongly they feel about their relationship. 

 lemonade323, go out with your friends to do those things that you like.  And when you're out having fun with your girlfriends, then text/call him being happy.  When he sees you happy, he may want to join next time.  Or he may feel happy for you and that bond can grow from sharing your happiness. 

I've been with my boyfriend for 4+ years.  He is into video games, movies and concerts.  I love to write, read and go to festivals.  But we are open minded people, so we find things all of our friends can do together (hiking, beach etc..)

Good luck in seeing the relationship as strong.  Once you see that, then the dating will fall into place.  I wish you and him the best!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Tue, 05-21-2013 - 9:13am
Hi Lemonade-- I agree with ML that it's difficult when one is "homebody" and the other isnt, and I also would heartily agree with the other poster who suggested you keeping GF contacts to do things with( so you dont feel like your only companionship for going out is BF, and BF not interested) I also have to second the motion that if you chose music concerts of "older" bands, you will DEFINTELY have people your age there----maybe try a DTE lawn event for a group of his age group if ones there this summer, and he'll see for himself that's true. ANYHOW---here's my bigger/over-all "observation"/suggestion--- It looks to me as though this is turning into YOU doing all the planning/suggesting, ......and HE is just telling you what he doesnt like about each activity. Does he acknowledge he is a homebody and would like nights at home, while you like to get out some? That is first step, I think----have this discussion, if you havent, so he acknowledges this openly. THEN.....get HIM to plan/ be responsible for one "getting out" activity a month that YOU would like to do...............and in return YOU will plan/be responsible for planning one "staying in" activity a month that HE would like..................(eg, you go get take out/rent movie/whatever) I guess what I'm getting at is that rather than just being a backseat driver saying what's wrong with your plans each time-----HE can acknowledge that you like to go out, and more than just going along (and later telling you what he didnt like about it)-----it would be much healthier for relationship if HE recognized that he is going out to these events to (primarily) make you happy----so he should take hold of the reins and PLAN an event that he KNOWS will make you happy----and, you be sure to let him know how much you appreciate this effort of his.-----and kind of take him *out* of the role of "critic" of events you plan.........KWIM? The other compromise thing I could think of would be if he has daytime off same as you---say saturday or sunday----to look through papers for local community "event" /"festival" type of things....and go out to one of them on weekend with him------they almost all have food vendors involved---so go just for lunch, or afternoon snack---but while you're there, you can spend a little time wandering around at their displays/listen to music/look at flea markets/whatever--not alot of time, but just enough to get you feeling like you've been out and seen something-------then go spend your evening snuggled up at home as homebodies....... ??
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 05-12-2013 - 6:40pm

I think there's a problem a lot of times when one person is more of a homebody & the other one wants to go out.  My ex was always coming up with excuses about not going out--if it's a Sat. night he didn't want to go out to dinner cause we might have to wait too long (he worked a lot of times on Sat. so I could see that he might be tired), he didn't like the heat so he didn't want to go out in the summer--definitely didn't want to go to the beach!  He didn't like places that were too crowded.  We did have occasions though where we went out & had fun--he liked art musems, historical kind of things, going for a day trip to a town and just poking around the shops--we had a particular favorite seaside town that is about an hour away that he liked going to.  So if you put it to your BF to come up with things, will he make an effort or is he just making these excuses cause he really doesn't want to go out?  I think it's funny that he thinks he's too old to go to concerts cause he's 30--seriously?  Maybe he's too old for Justin Bieber but I'm 55 and I don't think I"m too old to go to a concert of someone who I want to see--last year I saw Bruce Springsteen--what do you think the age demographic is for him?

Since you aren't married, I think you do have to consider whether you are compatible--maybe all the other good stuff about him is more important than this annoyance.  I certainly didn't divorce my ex because he didn't want to go out--I could have put up with that, there were other huge issues.  But like this weekend when I went out Friday night to dinner, a show & then a bar with a live band and Sat. night to a swing dance, I did think about how I never could have done those things while I was married to my ex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Sun, 05-12-2013 - 9:51am

I can think of some daytime activities, but don't know your area to know if they'd work. If you have nature trails/parks, pack a lunch and go hiking. If there are good biking trails, go bicycle shopping together. Go miniature golfing or to a go-cart/mini race track place. 

Pick out a new recipe and cook together. Buy the ingredients for sundaes and watch a movie together. Buy a game like Pictionary or play poker and have friends over to play. Go to the internet site Meetups.com and see what activity groups are in your area. To spice up things, go to a couples sex shop and pick out new stuff together. Buy tickets to a murder mystery show/dinner. If he says he doesn't want to go, invite a relative or friend. Make sure you keep going out with girlfriends to get your fix of going out and doing something, and this lets him know that if he's not willing to go out, you'll do it without him. Good luck.