In over my head?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
In over my head?
1
Mon, 11-05-2012 - 7:35pm

HI, first and foremost thank you for reading this and support!Smile

Now, here's the issue:

I have been in a live together relationship with the same guy for 6 years, we've been engaged for about 2.  I have a son from my previous marriage.  I have the sole full-time job.  He hasn't worked full-time in 4 years (I know the economy is hard, but...).  He's always told me he's looking for a job and that he's trying really hard, except this past weekend he let it slip to me that he stopped looking.  He's got a part time job that is not even pocket change worthy.  

I'm beside myself, upset, outraged, completely thrown.

I know I want better for myself and my son.  I know I cannot support the three of us much longer.  I have told him I feel like I'm burning out, increasingly bitter, left out.  I have to now work more and more hours to make ends meet!  If I wanted a nanny trust me I would have gotten a nanny!  I want a family, a marriage, and a life together (maybe a vacation too so I can relax and not deal with this stress).  I am weighting the "is it worth it cost." 

Any ideas? Thanks!

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Thu, 11-29-2012 - 10:40pm

mbenyi wrote:
<p>HI, first and foremost thank you for reading this and support!<img title="Smile" border="0" alt="Smile" src="/forums/sites/all/libraries/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-smile.gif" /></p><p>Now, here's the issue:</p><p>I have been in a live together relationship with the same guy for 6 years, we've been engaged for about 2.  I have a son from my previous marriage.  I have the sole full-time job.  He hasn't worked full-time in 4 years (I know the economy is hard, but...).  He's always told me he's looking for a job and that he's trying really hard, except this past weekend he let it slip to me that he stopped looking.  He's got a part time job that is not even pocket change worthy.  </p><p>I'm beside myself, upset, outraged, completely thrown.</p><p>I know I want better for myself and my son.  I know I cannot support the three of us much longer.  I have told him I feel like I'm burning out, increasingly bitter, left out.  I have to now work more and more hours to make ends meet!  If I wanted a nanny trust me I would have gotten a nanny!  I want a family, a marriage, and a life together (maybe a vacation too so I can relax and not deal with this stress).  I am weighting the "is it worth it cost." </p><p>Any ideas? Thanks!</p>

If you were married, you'd still run the risk of your husband losing his job and you being the sole breadwinner, so being married isn't a shield against that.

Outside of his not having financial means, does he bring any value to the relationship and the household?  Is he good to your son?  Does he work around the house? Does he help out? Is he still affectionate?

If the tables were turned, would he be justified (and would you appreciate him) weighing if you and your son were worth the cost of him having to bust his behind to support you?