What do u think of this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2001
What do u think of this?
8
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 2:54pm

I am going to post a scenario just want to know what will be your opinion on that. I alrayd gave my opinion to the person who also told me the thing. Just want to hear other different points of view

 

There is this couple of grown up people, the guy is currently 36 and the lady is 35.. The guy has a 15 yrd old son from a past relationship, but he never married the mother it was an unplanned pregnancy for  them as they were both teenagers and for many years the mother had the kid and the father hardly ever saw him ( he did saw him but very very little)  because they live in different countries and the dad was in another country to make a living just when the father visited his family he got the chance to visit his son until just last year the father reconnected his son and now he lives with him. The guy dated other chicks in his 20;s, almost 30’s one last for 4 yrs and the other chick lasted for 1 yr (just 2 yrs ago) but with neither one he had kids or even  married them, they just dated as a couple.

 

Only last year this guy met the 35 yrd old woman that I am talking about here.  Before that the guy was only living with his son (and still living with him) but it is known he was not dating anyone. So last year the guy met this new chick, and like 4 months later the lady got pregnant (it was an unplanned pregnancy). It is known too that the chick move in with this guy very soon after their relationship but not only that but this lady has also a son from a previous marriage who is 3 yrd old and therefore this lady move in and took her son too. In addition the lady has been married twice. With the first one she did  not have kids and with her latest one she had the 3 yrd old I mention.

 

 The lady is now 8 months pregnant and she met the guy just last year as I said and got pregnant like 4 months into their relationship. So now under the same roof lives, the guy, his pregnant lady, the lady’s son and the guy son of 15 from a previous relationship and the guy supports all. It is uncertain if the lady works or ever has work and she is very jealous and has a very strong personality.

 

The guy does not call her gf but call her partner (they are not married or at this moment plan to marry her , they just will have a baby together and all of them live under the same roof) but sometimes call hers lady. They do not hold hands like if they were really a couple when they are out..

 

Is this scenario complicated for the guy, Do you feel there is love there, or that they are in love or just caring and protection from the guy for this unborn baby that I don’t doubt he will love him dearly? Do you believe they want to settle? Is this a sign to settle I mean sicne the chick move in with him after those 4 months  etc etc?

Avatar for purp2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2010
Sun, 12-02-2012 - 3:25pm

I agree with all that was said by Kendahke. I also think the main reason this is a topic of conversation for these unrelated gossips is the money aspect.

Nowadays it's seen as the female taking advantage of a man by letting him support her. There is absolutely no problem with a man taking care of a woman financially if it is within his means.

I think a lot of women would like to be in her shoes, maybe even the OP and her friend.

Just saying.

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Thu, 11-29-2012 - 11:19pm

maru1962 wrote:
<p>I am going to post a scenario just want to know what will be your opinion on that. I alrayd gave my opinion to the person who also told me the thing. Just want to hear other different points of view</p> <p> </p> <p>There is this couple of grown up people, the guy is currently 36 and the lady is 35.. The guy has a 15 yrd old son from a past relationship, but he never married the mother it was an unplanned pregnancy for  them as they were both teenagers and for many years the mother had the kid and the father hardly ever saw him ( he did saw him but very very little)  because they live in different countries and the dad was in another country to make a living just when the father visited his family he got the chance to visit his son until just last year the father reconnected his son and now he lives with him. The guy dated other chicks in his 20;s, almost 30’s one last for 4 yrs and the other chick lasted for 1 yr (just 2 yrs ago) but with neither one he had kids or even  married them, they just dated as a couple.</p> <p> </p> <p>Only last year this guy met the 35 yrd old woman that I am talking about here.  Before that the guy was only living with his son (and still living with him) but it is known he was not dating anyone. So last year the guy met this new chick, and like 4 months later the lady got pregnant (it was an unplanned pregnancy). It is known too that the chick move in with this guy very soon after their relationship but not only that but this lady has also a son from a previous marriage who is 3 yrd old and therefore this lady move in and took her son too. In addition the lady has been married twice. With the first one she did  not have kids and with her latest one she had the 3 yrd old I mention.</p> <p> </p> <p> The lady is now 8 months pregnant and she met the guy just last year as I said and got pregnant like 4 months into their relationship. So now under the same roof lives, the guy, his pregnant lady, the lady’s son and the guy son of 15 from a previous relationship and the guy supports all. It is uncertain if the lady works or ever has work and she is very jealous and has a very strong personality.</p> <p> </p> <p>The guy does not call her gf but call her partner (they are not married or at this moment plan to marry her , they just will have a baby together and all of them live under the same roof) but sometimes call hers lady. They do not hold hands like if they were really a couple when they are out..</p> <p> </p> <p>Is this scenario complicated for the guy, Do you feel there is love there, or that they are in love or just caring and protection from the guy for this unborn baby that I don’t doubt he will love him dearly? Do you believe they want to settle? Is this a sign to settle I mean sicne the chick move in with him after those 4 months  etc etc?</p>

He's as settled as a guy who has willingly put his neck in the yoke to pull is going to be for the foreseeable future.  I'm sure the sense of responsibility for the baby is pretty strong, along with the fact that he missed out on raising his eldest son, he probably is more of a mind to want to be there for the rearing of the new baby and by extention, the rearing of the 3 yr old, even though the child is not his flesh and blood.

Whatever he will work out with the mother of his baby will be how they'll proceed together; he very well may love her or will grow to love her--and you wouldn't know because you admit you dont' know him-- and might not have a problem with what everyone else judges her so harshly over, if those accusations are even true to begin with. He may love her strong personality for all anyone knows--it may be why he was so attracted to her that he planted his baby in her belly. She probably isn't jealous and she probably doesn't have a strong personality--that's more than likely a lie and slander against her character by mean, small minded, nosey, busybody, gossipy know-nothings.  In fact, I'm willing to bet that she is a very kind, sweet woman and loving mother who is going through the normal hormonal upheaval that pregnancy puts a woman through both going into and coming out of it.

Fact is: he created a new life, so he's doing what he should be doing: taking care of the mother of his child and understanding that her 3 yr old comes as part of the package. It may very well be love on some level and it may grow to more as time goes on.

At any rate, he's willingly taken himself out of the dating market and is making a family life with this lady. I refuse to be so small as to spit the moniker "chick" on her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2012
Sun, 11-25-2012 - 12:09am

Who knows these days, people have children before and after marriage, some live together, and some don't. I don't like to judge in these types of situations because it's a touchy subject.

What I can say is with a little patience this guy may turn out to be a great father.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 12:30pm

Here is my thought on this....it's cazy at times when for some reason a guy is dating here and there many different women and those women have never moved in with him..and one day he meets someone and then all of a sudden a few months later she moves in with him..yeah and he doesn't call her his gf but 'the person that I'm seeing' ..I think that its weird how things like that happen for some people..oh andhe takes in the kid too...I don't know but I myself know a story sort of like this one...the guy was single like forever..nothing serious...had a fwb thing and then later that yr meets someone and low and behold that person moves in with him a few months later! Why do someone people move so fast with others???I don't know.Just have to wish the people the best.That's all you can do.You don't know what their situation is..what's really going on in each person's mind...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2001
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 2:25pm

I am not interested in the guy I dont even know who he is. So dont assume I wrote the comment becuase I have feelings for a guy I do not even know.  I wrote the message to just know what are ur thoughts if you were in either him or her shoes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2010
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 9:51am

I really don't have an opinion on this relationship.  I'm just curious, why do you care?  Is he or his partner asking you for advice?  Does anything this couple does affect you or the friend who told you about it?  If not, then I don't think that their lives are anyone's business but their own.  Theirs might not be a traditional family, but it's what he and she have chosen. 

Whoever shared this situation with you sounds like a gossip, and in my experience whoever gossips to you also gossips about you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 9:10am
Hi Manu--

Here are my thoughts in reading that :

1. First thought:
Why is Manu asking about this? , and, secondly.."what is she really asking?" ----
because:

A. I doubt even the man in question "really " knows what he feels for this (pregnant) woman, ...having only known her 4 months before pregnancy----

B. (as True Blue) pointed out---why do we care? and what he feels for her/what develops is really probably unknown to anyone -----all I can say is that apparently he feels a responsiblity to the unborn child, and is not completely averse to living with the woman.

C. I get the feeling that Manu is asking this because SOMEONE (manu's friend?--or even Manu?) is interested in the guy, and wanting to know if he's "available" because she found out he's living with this woman of unknown relationship---------(I mean, honestly, unless the guy was your brother,....who else would even care?)

BOTTOM LINE:
I would NOT at all get involved with this guy, and especially now. He's never had any long term relationships---so, there's some sort of reason for that, ...AND, he definitely IS in a "relationship" now---might not be "married", might not "last"----but he's CHOSING to live with a woman and CH"OSING to participate in woman/his (unborn) child's life....and the hand holding is a sign that there is clearly affection if nothing else.

This guy has ALOT on his plate as it is, ....and is NOT good fodder to get involved with.

As for all the questions:
Do you feel there is love there, or that they are in love or just caring and protection from the guy for this unborn baby that I don’t doubt he will love him dearly? Do you believe they want to settle? Is this a sign to settle I mean sicne the chick move in with him after those 4 months etc etc?


Again---I dont have any idea,....and again, just wonder why we would care?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 5:43pm

Honestly, I think the person who told you all of this should stop gossiping.

Families can be thrown together for good reasons, average reasons and bad reasons.    Sometimes it will work out and sometimes it wont.   But if it doesn't effect us - or the involved party isn't asking our advice - who are we to judge what is going on for them?