Can it work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2013
Can it work?
6
Sun, 02-03-2013 - 10:43pm

I'm in a fairly new relationship that I'm not quite sure if it can be labeled as a long distance relationship.  We live about an hour and a half apart, so it's just far enough to be a little bit annoying right now.  I think that eventually (if things work out) one of us will need to relocate.  How long have you been in your LDR?  Did you agree that it would be a temporary situation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2013
In reply to: rattla
Mon, 03-25-2013 - 3:43pm

I have to say I was in an LDR for about 4 years.  We made it our priority to see each other as often as time and money would allow.  He was living in Idaho and I was living in Montana.  It got a little more difficult when he started going to a job corp center in Washington, while I tried to finish high school.  Eventually things just got harder because he only had the weekends from job corps that he was able to leave, and I started getting busier with sports, and doing things with my family and church.  Don't get me wrong we loved each other very deeply...but we decied that it would be better if we were friends while we each finished our own things and thought we would try later.  But later didn't happen when we had each found other people that we fell in love with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
In reply to: rattla
Thu, 02-28-2013 - 10:17am

Decide if the guy is worth the frustration. Do you know his past dating history? If he's had long term relationships versus relationships that never made it past 6 months, etc., then that's a good sign. Make sure that you're not putting more effort into the relationship than he is. He needs to travel to your town equally or more than you. Youi must mutually decide how often you will meet up. If you expect communication every day, make sure he enjoys doing that as well. If the only thing he wants to do is have sex when he sees you, it's a bad sign. He should be planning outings with you. Is it possible for one of you to move after a few years if it works out, or not? Over time, if he gets lazier about meeting up, then don't go further and dump him. If he shows you're a priority and keeps up with communication and making efforts to see you, then that's a great sign. Good luck on whatever you decide.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2012
In reply to: hibbens
Sun, 02-24-2013 - 9:01am

LDR can work if both people are sincere and committed. Give it a little more time and follow your gut feeling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2012
In reply to: rattla
Sun, 02-10-2013 - 5:45am

Hey there. My boyfriend and I were together for 2 years before he moved 3.5 hours away to go to university. We decided to do long distance, and it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. There were a lot of times where we didn't know if it was worth the hurt or not and we were on thin ice for the whole time (12 months) but now I have moved to where he is and we live together and we have been together for almost 4 years. Having done a year of long distance, it is very safe to say that I would never, ever do it again. So it is definitely hard, but if you have had enough time together to form a good bond and you are both commited then it is definitely possible to stay together. I think the key is to realise and accept the fact that your partner will be hanging out with other people when you are home alone, try not to let his whereabouts get to you. Don't be too clingy, like I was.. Send love letters and skype a lot. We had a pact to always say goodnight no matter what. we saw eachother for 2-3 days a month and that time was always so precious, and in those moments I knew why it was worth it :) Although if the relationship is 'new' then that could be a completely different story. I don;t think i could have done it if we didnt have the 2 years before he moved. But anything is possible. Good luck.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-07-2008
In reply to: rattla
Thu, 02-07-2013 - 9:48pm
My husband and I started out our relationship living about 3 hours apart driving. After about 6 months, he moved farther away and we were then 3 hours apart by plane. We had a LDR for about a year and then we got married. We've been together for almost 6 years now (married almost 5).
Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
In reply to: rattla
Mon, 02-04-2013 - 11:33am

I, too, have just met a guy who is interested in me and he lives about an hour away from me.  Where he works, he has to pass my township to get there, so it's possible that we can see one another.  Generally speaking, I'm not for LDR's, but since he drives my way for work, I'm easing off of my aversion.

I'll be interested in the answers you get.  My last relationship became LDR and he ended up cheating on me because I didn't live/work there any longer.