Give It To Me Straight Ladies...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Give It To Me Straight Ladies...
3
Sat, 08-17-2013 - 1:14am

Ladies... My ex is back! Well actually, i initiated contact with him a few months ago after nearly 2 yrs of not speaking. I never truely let him go and I always knew in the back of my mind that we'd speak again. But I didn't expect for it to go anywhere. Since we began speaking again, he's been gradually contacting me more. The reason I initially broke up with him is because I caught him online on a dating site a month after we became official. Although he admitted later that he never physically cheated on me, I don't like the dishonesty part. Anyway, I just started talking to a new guy about a month ago and I like him so far. My ex is unaware of this. Now where it gets tricky is that my ex is honestly the best relationship that I've ever had (other than the online incident). I have even found myself comparing guys to him while dating. We were so perfect together and had it not been for what he did, we would probably still be together. He is now admitting he was wrong and dumb for what he did and that he's sorry and he would like to keep talking to me and see where it goes. He said that he wants a relationship with me again and will keep trying. After we broke up he relocated to another state to jump start his career and with the long distance, i feel that even if I gave him another shot I don't know if I could have a LDR with someone I can't trust. But he told me today that he only plans to stay where he is for about a year or so longer and then he wants to move back here. He said until then, he wants to travel back and forth often to see me and his parents and he's coming down actually starting sept. He really wants to do everything in his power to win me back and It's hard because this man still has a little piece of my heart... The same heart he broke. My bff had given me her opinion and stated that maybe i should give him another shot since he seems really remorseful, didn;t actually physically cheat, and is genuinally a good guy. But she had her reservations when it came to the long distance and my trust issues with him. Now that he has since said he plans on eventually moving back, that changes things. So my question is, should I let him prove himself overtime and give him another chance or just focus on the new guy? If I should give him another shot, should we consider getting counseling to help ensure this doesn't happen again? Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2010
Mon, 08-19-2013 - 9:15pm

I don't think it matters if he didn't physically cheat.  He (rather sneakily) went outside of your relationship in search of something else.  To me, cheating is cheating regardless of whether it's physical or emotional. 

I think that if you don't trust him, a LDR probably isn't going to work.  How often is he planning to make the trip back and forth to see you?  Will it be often enough to let him start to regain trust?  I don't know if counseling should be a condition.  I would say no just because the relationship was fairly new, you caught it, he knows what he did was wrong, and he's remoreseful.  Or, I'm assuming he realizes that emotional cheating is still cheating?  Would he be OK with you trolling the online dating sites after you had agreed to be in a committed relationship with him?  I'm guessing not. 

Did he actually contact women on the online dating sites, or was he just browsing simply out of curiosity?  I think that detail might make a huge difference to me. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Tue, 08-20-2013 - 9:39pm

He said that he did not. Would he have done so had he not been caught? That's what concerns me

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2013
Tue, 01-28-2014 - 1:42am
If he is remorseful then you might give him a chance but new guy in the picture has slightly complicated the scene. But since your last post, it has been quite some time, so were you able to figure out, who is best for you?