How to deal with insecurity & paranoia
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|Sun, 09-29-2013 - 5:34pm|
I hope someone may be able to help me. I have been in a very healthy and happy relationship with my boyfriend for almost 2 and a hald year (all of this being long distance). He is from Europe but goes to uni up North, whilst I am in London. During term time, we take it in turns to travel to each other (every 2/3 weeks) and during the holidays, we see each other less frequest (every 4 weeks) when he's home in Europe. This has constantly worked well for us.
However, I have found it difficult in previous years whilst he is at uni for a number of reasons. He has a lot of work for his studies, so sometimes does not have much time to skype/text/talk. Though he always would fit it in, there are nights when he is out etc and there have been times when I've felt so lost because we are far apart.
In addition, although I have no doubt in my mind that he loves and cares for me, I have an issue with other girls and their behaviour towards men. Some girls are naturually overly flirty and outgoing and it doesn't make me comfortable with him being around them. Even though I trust him and believe that he would never act on it, I would never act the way some of these girls do towards a guy if I knew he had a bf.
He has a lot of girl-friends back home and I have no issue with them, but I think the attitude is different abroad. He's hardly been back a week at uni and already I'm starting to panic about him going out with one girl in particular who I have met in the past and have not been overkeen on at all. I can't stop him attending things with her there, nor can I tell him not to talk to her and I can't say nasty things about her because actually he's told me she's a nice person.
I don't want to be the paranoid girlfriend and I can't understand where my insecurity is coming from!! It is frustrating and although over the years it has improved due to trust in our relationship, it's still there and I hate it eating away at me! I know that if I make a meal of it, it will only push him away because for him, there is nothing to it, it means nothing so why am I getting wound up about it!? But to keep quiet only makes it worse because I feel helpless like there is nothing I can do about it.
Is there anyone that might be able to help me to get to the root of the problem? I don't necessarily think it's just about this one girl. I think it is a deeper problem I have. Any advice or help would be much appreciated..
Thank you for listening and hopefully I can work this thing out!