Need Advice :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2012
Need Advice :(
1
Mon, 10-29-2012 - 5:57pm

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years and we've been long distance since we met. We're finally moving in together, but I can't get him to book the flight. He chose the 26th of Dec and he said he'd book it this past weekend, but didn't because he now wants to go to his niece's birthday on the 29th and now fly out the 30th. That'd be fine, except I'm transferring schools (in my own city) and my orientation is on the 2nd of Jan. I want to have moved by then to try and lower the stress of starting at a new school. I don't want to be preparing for school while unpacking boxes. He's moving states for me so I want to try and be understanding and let him stay for his nieces birthday and be with his family- I agreed that he could spend christmas with his family- but three days or less is not enough time to move. I just don't know how to say no without feeling evil and selfish. I just need advice on how to explain it to him, or if I should let him go to the birthday party or not. 

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Wed, 11-28-2012 - 12:10pm

jcmm2209 wrote:
<p>My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years and we've been long distance since we met. We're finally moving in together, but I can't get him to book the flight. He chose the 26th of Dec and he said he'd book it this past weekend, but didn't because he now wants to go to his niece's birthday on the 29th and now fly out the 30th. That'd be fine, except I'm transferring schools (in my own city) and my orientation is on the 2nd of Jan. I want to have moved by then to try and lower the stress of starting at a new school. I don't want to be preparing for school while unpacking boxes. He's moving states for me so I want to try and be understanding and let him stay for his nieces birthday and be with his family- I agreed that he could spend christmas with his family- but three days or less is not enough time to move. I just don't know how to say no without feeling evil and selfish. I just need advice on how to explain it to him, or if I should let him go to the birthday party or not. </p>

why do you feel you have to unpack his boxes or do any of his moving? When he gets there, he can deal with it. You don't have to.

Also, you're not "letting" him do anything regarding his family.  Parents don't "let" their children do things, not adults. That's presenting a parent/child dynamic and he's not your child.  He's going to his niece's birthday party, it would appear, since he didn't change his flight for before that.

I think you're going to have to learn the art of compromise and being flexible--or else this isn't going to work out at all.

I honestly don't see what the problem is on his part. Let him deal with his belongings once he gets there and you focus on school.