New here - in a married LDR

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2013
New here - in a married LDR
4
Sat, 03-02-2013 - 7:40pm

HI everyone

I am new here.  I am in a very frustrating LDR.  We are married but because of a variety of reasons- we both have kids and jobs- we are currently living in different states.  I have 4 children - 14, 9,7,5 and he has 2- 14.13.12.  We have been together for 4 eyars, married 1.5.  We dated in college, split up and reconnected after we each got divorced. We thought a ourt decision was going to go our way so one of us could move but sadly it did not turn out that way.  Our marriage is solid.  It's just really hard to be apart.  We see each other about 1/2 the month.  Mostly me going there when I am not working and when my kids are withe their dad.  We are hoping that at the end of the school year he will be moving to where I live. 

Anyway, hello and if any one has BTDT or has any great advice I'd love it!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2013
Mon, 03-04-2013 - 4:34pm

Wow!  I can't imagine being married and living apart like that.  It must be tough on both of you and your families.  When he moves, will be be able to bring his kids with him or do they have to stay behind?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2013
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 6:17am

They will come with.  1 is super excited, 1 kinda marginal and 1 not wanting to move at all.  It's been a tough 4 years that's for sure!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 03-07-2013 - 9:10am

No words of advice, just want to say I feel for you.  I am in a long-distance marriage for the last few years.  No kids involved, but we live in different states because neither is able/willing give up our career.  We hope to end this situtation soon. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2007
Wed, 01-15-2014 - 7:44pm

Also new here, and also new to this LDR thing. We've been a couple for a year, engaged for much of that time. We were always an hour apart, but due to a job transfer that was too good to pass up, we are now 3.5 hours apart. So our only real time is weekends, and for months we had his young children every weekend for at least part of it and all of it on "his" weekends, not really leaving couple time. I was going to see him once during the week before the holiday season, but even that was only giving us one evening. However now that all of our schedules (mine, his and his X) are settling down, the weekends will go back to every other and  I plan to spend more weekday time there, but I also have a DD16 here, so it's not that simple. We plan to get married in June. My DD has this school year and one more. I plan to move with him when she is out of HS. Anyway, it wasn't too bad the first few months after he moved. It got pretty difficult there for a stretch when we were getting NO time for us. We talked it all out and we agreed that we need to dedicate at least one weekend per month when we are unavailable to everyone but each other. Hopefully this will help a lot. Aside from this difficulty, that we put upon ourselves, things are wonderful. So, can you update....how are things going and are there any strategies you have used to help out?