Working on 28 years married but need a ladies opinion

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
Working on 28 years married but need a ladies opinion
Tue, 09-04-2012 - 6:21pm

My DH of 27 years is currently working out of state x 3 months. We talk daily or more. He is staying with his long time "friend" (you know the type, although rarely visited for many years, kept in contact ..  kind of friend). Needless to say the lifestyle there is not what either of us expected when he offered to him a place to stay until finding his own place. It is not what 'we or he" is used to. There is some admitted casual drug use involved by the GF and by his old friend.... and a revolving door of my DHs livein non-employed GF 'friends' sofa (also nonemployed) surfing.They certainly don't live within their means.

I don't approve of the lifestyle (had numerous discussions and arguments this week while visiting) neither does he, but he expected me to be nice and polite while staying there. Also, we had to either go to the store nightly and prepare a meal that night or go out every meal.  Groceries aren't a high priority apparently and if you bring food in, it's gone by morning.  My husband has some health issues that he needs to be mindful of, and he is fully aware of it, and is.  What gets me and my home budget, is he seems to be the daddy warbucks of that home these days, paying bills to keep utilities turned on (water, power, phones, internet, grocieres that get eaten faster than Carter has pills and not by DH or his working friend).  ... To make matters worse this is what actually made me hit that proverbial wall....

This gal living with my DHs friend is 50, has a slim body, but lets just say gravity has taken its toll. She changes her clothes by the hour. I had been vising and helping him in the yard this past VERY HOT and HUMID weekend (Texas), so their dogs would stop escaping (totalling 7 plus numerous cats and dogs.. btw). They didn't help (like I expected it lol) and stayed in bed in the air conditioning.  He mentioned to this gal later that day, (while he BBQ-d) that she had just gotten 'all sexied up" and changed her clothes again?  This time into a micro mini flouncy multilayered black, clingy mini-skirt (you know the type with the built in little panty inside), wearing I don't think anything underneath if maybe a thong, plus a lovely low cut halter top. She had been bending over showing off all that and more while feeding her array of puppies and dogs on the front porch, laughing the entire time, when she had said to my DH after he made the comment, "isn't this sexy, while shaking around a bit wiggling her fluffy skirt around.. He said, "oh yes, you can wear that any time".  Needless to say, myself in capris and a sweaty tank top, (as I was out in the yard working on the fence with him, again - one we don't even own), was a bit upset by this comment and I let him know I was upset too.  Can I get some comments here, he's just not getting why I would think he meant anything by it.  Opinions???  Want to make sure I'm not all menopausal on him....even though that's under control..  Man it hurt big time!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2010
Re: Working on 28 years married but need a ladies opinion
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 1:13pm

Has he moved out now?  Were his roommates OK about it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2012

Yeah that comment hurt, but men will be men. They may all not be that way, but you're guy was just probably excited to see something different. Try to give him a break or let go. Either way it'll just benefit you.