Etiquette for Divorces?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Etiquette for Divorces?
7
Sun, 03-30-2014 - 9:49am

Reading DruidPixie's thread re: her DH and his family's behavior with the ex W (and their lack of boundaries with the exW basically) got me thinking re:

Is anyone aware of any etiquette manuals for divorces?  It really seems to me that there is a need for one.....

Lots of family situations I've read on this second marriage board might be helped by this....

EG:

the DP situation--- her DH's family are maintaining a relationship with exW that is damaging to their son (DH) current marriage---

Understandably, YES, the exW IS the mother of their grandchildren, so, of course there is a desire to stay on good terms with her there, AND, they may well like/care for the woman as much as they did when she was their DIL....HOWEVER, their behavior is damaging to DH's current marriage, and they either arent aware, or dont care.....?

One thing I noticed in DP's post was re: the DH's family said that exW's NEW in-laws (she's remarried) arent accepting of her, .......so, ...they feel compelled to stay close to her....? (WTH? she doesnt have her own family or support ?)

Anyhow, seems to me Emily Post of divorce relationships for in-laws/etc would be useful.  

Probably there is such a thing someplace.......it just seems if people who have poor boundaries because of "guilt" could read these behaviors are actually poor etiquette, it MIGHT help them change behavior?  

(or not...)

Thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Sun, 03-30-2014 - 12:18pm
I think the "etiquette book" for all parties surrounding a divorce lies between their ears.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Sun, 03-30-2014 - 12:19pm
I think the "etiquette book" for all parties surrounding a divorce resides between their ears.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 03-30-2014 - 12:31pm

I think that everybody has their own ideas for what they should do with the exes after divorce.  When there are children involved, it's hard to cut off the ex DIL or ex SIL completely because the grandparents still want to be involved in the grandchildren's lives.  I do think that the people who need boundaries and are going way overboard wouldn't change their behavior even if they read in a book that it was improper.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Sun, 03-30-2014 - 3:57pm
Yep. See what I mean?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Mon, 03-31-2014 - 6:53pm

 I do think that the people who need boundaries and are going way overboard wouldn't change their behavior even if they read in a book that it was improper.

Yeah....you're probably right....

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 03-31-2014 - 8:07pm

You all crack me up!  

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007
Fri, 04-04-2014 - 7:46pm

Hey there! I agree with the previous posts. There are several books on divorce and remarriage etiquette and ex etiquette but a leopard doesn't change it's spots. Even if you decided to send the book as a gift for Christmas I guarantee it would be thrown in the trash. All you can do is control yourself and your response. Trying to get people to change is useless. That includes husbands who are afraid to be assertive with their exes and families. You can discuss it but ultimately if they refuse to do it then you either a. try to speak up and see where that gets you or b. try not to let it get to you. I am starting to think I need to do my b plan. Serenity now. Pun intended. Wink  Have a great weekend everyone!!!