Pictures - here we go again

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Pictures - here we go again
5
Fri, 07-11-2014 - 3:04pm

  This is more of a vent than anything.  Dh and I have had this reocurring argument about family pictures. We live in a 2 floor condo and noone ever goes in the basement except adult kids when they're home.  Obviously, as a mother, I have many nice pictures of MY 4 daughters, but dh has few of his 3 sons.  Long story short, DD28 is getting married this year and, for Christmas, gave me a beautiful 8 X 10 engagement picture of her and my future SIL.  Dh made me put any pictures on the first floor on an old entertainment center which has been sold and is leaving our home today, so I put them on a table in our living room area.  Dh has been gone since Wednesday for work and what does he do the minute he gets home??  He texted me at work when he got home today and said that if pictures weren't "equal" that we'd have NONE on our first floor!  UGH  I told him to go into any of our neighbors homes (mostly retirees) and you'd see special "life event" pictures of their kids and grandkids on their first floor.  I told him to look again...I DID make it fair.  I believe it's my DD28's engagement picture he takes issue with because it's an 8 X 10 and bigger than the rest.  I know he's jealous of my kids because they're normal and his kids aren't (all have mental issues) and have/do abuse drugs.  I told him if his DS31 and his ex were still married, we'd have THEIR wedding picture upstairs also.  It's so frustrating to me because I have so many beautiful pictures of my girls I can't display because he doesn't have all the nice pictures I have.  Honestly, when it comes to things like this, being married to your kids' other parent is so much easier. 

On the other hand, these days, I wish my ex would drop into a hole and disappear....but, THAT'S another story. 

Thanks for allowing me to vent.  :)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 07-11-2014 - 3:21pm

I think your DH's behavior is very childish.  Some people also just take a lot more pics of their kids and some like to display pics more.  Of course I got all the grade school pix every year but after that not so much.  Now I have one graduation pic of each child up in the living room and that's it--when I go to my friend's house she has tons of pics all over--not just her kids but other relatives.  So if your DH didn't have kids himself, would he not allow you to display any pics?  And if your kids have children and his don't, will you not be able to display pics of the grandchildren if he doesn't have any?  I didn't think it was a contest.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Fri, 07-11-2014 - 3:46pm

 Thanks, Music.  Funny you should call him childish because my co-worker, when I told her, said "How old is this man??"  lol  Apparently it IS a contest with him.  Very infuriating.  Right now we each have one grandson which is fair, but, obviously, in the future, the number of grandchildren I will have most likely will far outnumber his.  My hope is that by that point, he will consider my grandchildren his also as I do his grandson.  Time will tell.  I still think it's a very deep-rooted jealousy issue. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 07-11-2014 - 11:45pm

It reminds me of when I was married to 2nd DH, I felt like I couldn't brag too much about my DD's good grades, awards, etc. because his DD was one year younger and wasn't doing well in school, didn't have any extracurricular activities, etc.  So I think that's why my ex would complain over every little thing that my DD did wrong because he was probably ashamed that his DD didn't measure up--oh and the things his DD did wrong were much worse!

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 07-14-2014 - 5:19pm

Holy cow.  

It is funny, because you know my DH is funny about pictures, too.  Not quite in the same way your DH is, but funny, never-the-less.  

We painted (well, he painted) and I have been putting off putting any pictures back up in the hallway.  Athough when I got one from my DD of her DF and DS, I did put it on one nail still left up in the hall.  

For my DH, pictures can be a fond memory or a reminder of strained relationships, so his issue is usually pictures of his own kids.  He'll get into an argument with one his kids and turn their picture over or take it off the wall.  I think it is absurd.

But I will admit he has gotten better over the years about it.  

It just hit me, my DD and his DD are both getting married next year.  I never thought about the pictures, oh my.....

Serenity

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Mon, 07-14-2014 - 5:43pm

Hi SO--

I think you should buy him a gift certificate for Olin Mills or whoever does photo's these days---and tell him to get some pictures of him and his kids made...........

(You could put it in a romantic card so it didnt seem snarky.....)