Falling into roommate territory.

Avatar for imawhoot
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2012
Falling into roommate territory.
Wed, 05-28-2014 - 8:06am

Hi all. My husband and I have been married 20 years. I'm on the cusp of 40, he's a few years older. Anyway, due to medical issues  he has to work a ton of overtime to make up for $$ he is no longer getting (he's been put on a restrictive work duty). He's never here, when he is, he's sleeping (works overnights). I feel like we're falling into roommates. Just cohabitating, not really being married. 

Would love some suggestions on how to make this feel like a marriage once again. The work thing isn't going to end any time soon, though it will eventually - summer always has more overtime because of vacations, etc. Maybe some small things I can do in the meantime?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Wed, 05-28-2014 - 2:39pm

Does he have any time that they give him off??I know he's working over-time and everything but no one can work straight without getting at least 1 day to rest or it will kill him.Since he works nights..is there a time that he gets up for a little bit and then goes back to bed?Meaning sometimes people who work nights..they sleep through the WHOLE day until it gets time for them to wake up for their night shift.When I worked nights...when I got off in the morning I would be awake until 10 am and then go to sleep...I owuld have at least 2 1/2 hrs where I was awake...maybe you can squeeze in some quality time then..if he has it that way.If he sleeps through the whole day and doesn't wake up until it's time to go to work...then it will HAVE to be when he has 1 day off...

good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 05-28-2014 - 7:49pm

If your DH is going to be working a lot extra, he's going to be tired and then not willing to do much.  If he has some time off, try to plan to do something together.  You should also try to find a few minutes every day just to chat and catch up.  Try not to spend all your free time together watching TV and not interacting.  You could also show him that you appreciate his extra work by doing some nice things for him, like making a dinner he likes or doing some errands for him so that he won't have to do it.  

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 05-29-2014 - 3:00pm

Not sure that it matters, but a little confused on why he HAS to work so much?  Does he really HAVE to?

I don't know how your work schedule meshes with his, but it sounds like you will have to be the one to squeeze something in.  Like another poster said, does he not even get 1 full day off?  

Are you at least getting some time in just to catch up and visit?  Does he have a lunch hour or lunch break?  Can he at least plan a head and get a full 48 hours off at one time, so you have real weekend together, even if you don't go anywhere?  

Seems to me that although I understand "short term sacrafice for a long-term goal," eventually something will have to give.

Keep us posted!


Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 06-03-2014 - 3:15pm

  What and whose medical issues?  I have worked  night shifts and they really mess up the sleep cycle.  The day off was errands and sleep.  Because the body was now on a different 12 hours I woud be up at 11pm and would go to bed at my normal (for me) time.