Fiance away on business trip. I'm insecure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2012
Fiance away on business trip. I'm insecure.
5
Wed, 06-25-2014 - 10:24pm

My boyfriend of 2 years is away on a business trip and I'm feeling very insecure. I realize now that the last time he went on a business trip (6 months ago), I've felt the same way. 

We normally text throughout the day and don't really have a lot of friends outside of our relationship and pretty much do everything together. So it's a little hard for me when he is away. I've been putting an effort into doing things outside of the relationship over the past month. But still I'm finding it hard not obsessing about what he's doing when he's away. I realize it's a trust issue. I didn't know we had any trust issues until he went away on this trip. Apart from that our relationship is great.

Yesterday he texted me and told me that he was going out after work with a bunch of younger guys, and that he'd rather stay in (he's never been the going out type). He ended up going out. I got a call and a text late night (after I've gone to bed) from a strange number, so I didn't answer. I also got a voice mail from that number. Later when I played the voicemail (in my sleep) it was from my bf - he said that he broke his phone and that the best way to reach him would be by email. This morning he messaged me online and told me he cracked his phone - and when I said I missed him, he said he missed me too and that he was hungover. I haven't heard from him since. I know he's probably at work, but he has his computer with him the whole day! He's very up to date with technology, so I find it hard to believe that he hasn't bought a replacement phone yet. Or even that he hasn't had a chance to send me an email! I can't help obsessing!! I tried calling him once this evening, but the phone rang several times and went to voicemail.

I hate feeling this way. I'm also finding that I've been thinking about my ex while he's away. I hate myself for it. All of a sudden I'm so confused about our entire relationship! What's going on??? I know I should snap out of it! We're getting married in a few months!!! What is wrong with me?? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2012

Sorry. I posted on the wrong board. We're in a live in relationship and getting married in a few months.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Why do you think that you have this trust issue?  Has he cheated on you before?  have your exes cheated on you?  You need to figure out what is the source of this and deal with it.  I think it's normal to miss your partner while they are away but it's not normal or healthy to obssess about what they are doing and to worry about him cheating if he has never cheated.  You have to realize also that if a guy wants to cheat it's not necessary for him to go on a trip to do it--he could be doing it while he's at home.  And a guy who loves you and would not cheat also is not going to change his character and become a cheater because you are separated.  I think some separation is good for a relationship, plus you should be taking advantage of this time to do things that you want to do--get your nails done, get a massage, go see a movie that he wouldn't enjoy.

another thing that is not good is that you are too dependent on each other if you also don't have friends. It also makes you kind of boring if you are doing everything together--it's good for you each to have some interests and some friends of your own and not be attached at the hip.  Unless he is going to be away for a long time, it would probably make more sense for him to wait until he comes home to get a new phone.  Yes he has technology, but isn't he also supposed to be working during the day?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2012
I have been cheated on before but that was years ago. I caught my first bf cheating on me with men he found on craigslist. My fiance has never cheated on me. He has broken up with me 3 times in the beginning of our relationship. Initially he said it was because he said he saw me like a friend. At the time he was getting over a really tall girl. I later found out that he has a thing for masculine looking girls (even trans guys). That made me feel insecure because im very petite. I dont think he's gay but i have wondered... esp with my previous experience. But I guess if hes open enough to tell me that why would he stay in the closet? But we havent had any issues this past year and it's been the best year of my life. I really want to make it work. I guess the biggest reason for me to be untrusting is because he's broken up with me before. I'm ok most of the time. But it's hard when he's away. Hes coming back in a few days though. Yesrerday was a low point. Im feeling better now.
Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006

Hello and welcome!

It is fine for you to post here.  I was on here for a long time before we got M.  As long as it is a serious, long-term R or like you, engaged, you are fine to post here.  I will come back and read your post and reply.

Serenity CL making a marriage work

Serenity
Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006

I hope you stick around and keep us posted.  I think the next time he travels, definately have a plan to keep busy and take some time to pamper yourself.  

And yes, make some new friends.  :)  

Only you know how concerning any of the other stuff is.  But I don't think the broken phone or lack of e-mails during work hours should be one them.  :)  

Stick around and keep us posted...

Serenity

Serenity