Husband Only Believes Women are at Their Prime at 20
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|Sun, 04-20-2014 - 2:48pm|
I've learned to lived with my husband's love of porn; however, lately, it seems like it's gone from normal (healthy) looking to looking at it whenever he gets the chance. He has lied to me considerably about a lot of things and our therapist said that because he's "lying less," it means he's making progress. (On a side note, I don't agree with her.)
Yesterday, I found out the depths of his porn watching when we were going to stream a show. Not only was every site a porn site, but it was all porn related to 20 year-olds; twentysomethings in threesomes; etc.
I was very upset; he basically comes home and instead of holding-up his side of things (to help with the house), he's been watching porn. I work a very tough corporate job and sometimes I work until 6; it turns out that's what he does when he gets home. As soon as I get home, he expects me to make me dinner and on the nights he's supposed to cook, he says he bought the stuff, isn't that enough?
When I discovered just how deep-seated his reliance on porn was, I asked him if he talked to the therapist about it and how it's affected our relationship. He said he told her that he feels women's bodies are at their prime at 20 then it's all downhill from there and he can't nor he won't change his mind about it. I told him that we've both put on weight since we met and we've only been married six months and that his expectations are wrong; I know many people in better shape than 20 year-olds and relying on porn as a gauge of what's reality is just...wrong.
I don't know what to do. I feel that every time we have sex, it's not me he's thinking of - and I've told him that. He also can't maintain an erection in positions other than missionary or from behind. Any other time, he struggles to maintain an erection. He doesn't like receiving oral sex - and I've been told (in the past), I was very good at it. I cannot get him to ejaculate with my hands because I feel he's so used to masturbating to porn (even when I ask what he likes), he cannot achieve whatever is inside him brain that lets him do it when I'm not there. He's also a functioning alcoholic, so his memory is shot (as confirmed by his physician), so any recollection of our previous conversations is gone.