Problem using Contraception

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2014
Problem using Contraception
8
Sun, 07-27-2014 - 4:52am

I and my wife have been married for about 3yrs. She was on contraception(pills), the first 6 months. 

Some relative of hers who happens to be a doctor(not a gyn), told her the pills made her fat. So she stopped. But she gained more weight after that.Foot in Mouth 

I think it has nothing to with the pill. 

Anyway, she wanted me to use a condom. I tried a few times, but I just can't feel anything when I use a condom. I tried ribbed, large etc. No change. 

When I try to convince her to take pills, she says they are not good for health. It may effect the baby in the future etc etc.....which doesn't make sense to me at all.

She also got pregnant twice and decided to abort. First time it was soon after we got married when she was on pills. She said she knew her cycle had ended and so she had stopped taking pills. I don't what this really means.

second time, I didn't even ask her why.

Generally speaking she does not like medicines and doesn't go to the doc when she's sick. 

we haven't had an argument about this yet. But I don't know when it will happen. 

I haven't done it for 2-3months now because of fear of another abortion. As a guy I find it difficult not having sex. It's crazy. But I can't risk another abortion.

I am not dumb and don't make the same mistake more than once.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2014
Sun, 07-27-2014 - 5:28am
don't you yhink about pullin' out? And yes contraceptives are harmful, so it would be not bag if you think about it, I suppose
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2014
Sun, 07-27-2014 - 5:28am
don't you yhink about pullin' out? And yes contraceptives are harmful, so it would be not bag if you think about it, I suppose
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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 07-27-2014 - 12:01pm

  Your knowledge of contraceptives seems to be lacking.  The pill in some women leads to weight gain but doe not seem so in your case.   Condoms are not effective birth control.   What do you mean" can't risk another abortion"?   It would be very good toeducate yourself and to get counseling or terminate this marriage.   Life is way too short.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Sun, 07-27-2014 - 12:42pm

Two things stand out in your post: First that your wife had 2 abortions in less than 3 years, and the decision seems to have been made completely by her since you don't even know why she had the second one. As her husband and the father of the unborn child you are supposed to be involved in those decisions. Second, that she doesn't like medicines or seeing a doctor but has had those 2 invasive procedures, essentially as her method of birth control. (btw I am not against abortion in general).

In a marriage the decisions on family planning should be mutual, not just how many children and when, but which methods of contraception. Both partners need to be comfortable with and confident in the method, or the intimacy will be affected---as you are experiencing right now. If your wife is refusing sex because she doesn't want to see the doctor or deal with using female contraception then that is very selfish. You may end up using a condom anyway, in tandem with a barrier method for her, but at least you would be having sex again.

There are many forms of contraception besides the Pill and condoms. My suggestion is that you first educate yourself. There are many websites with this information, find one affiliated with a respected teaching hospital or family planning group. Then you and your wife--together---should have a consultation with her gynecologist to discuss the various forms, their effectiveness and pros and cons etc, to determine which form(s) would be suitable for her/both of you as a couple.

If she won't do this then there are other problems in your marriage beyond birth control.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 07-28-2014 - 10:42am

I agree that both of you should make an appt. w/ her gyn to discuss this issue.  Birth control pills do not "make you fat" and the current pills have lower doses of hormones so they are perfectly safe for a young woman who doesn't smoke.  I was on the pill for many years and never had any problems.  She could also consider other methods.  I also agree that using abortion as a birth control method is not the best idea.  she seems kind of irresponsible so I hope you can resolve this issue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 07-28-2014 - 10:43am

I hope you educate yourself about birth control whether you are a man or a woman, before you have some unintended pregnancy (yours or a partner).  "Pulling out" is a terribly uneffective method of birth control and contraceptives are not harmful in most cases.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2002
Mon, 07-28-2014 - 1:47pm

Hi Suz--

How is your marriage/relationship/life together in general?

It sounds to me as though your wife isnt any too concerned re: having a sexual relationship with you---how do you think your relationship with her is besides for that aspect?

There ARE other methods of birth control to consider--so my suggestion would be to ask (tell) her you would like the two of you to go to a birth control cllnic or gynecologist office together to discuss  options.  The IUD and the NuvoRing are two options I can think of off the top of my head I can think of to consider......even diaphragm and foam have been around forever, and if used appropriately actually have a high rate of success..........

If she wont consider going with you to discuss other options (as it sounds from your original post), then the issue is (I believe) deeper than just pills/weight gain.........

Overall, a marriage counselor would help you determine and address the underlying issues, and would definitely be in your corner re: other options between pill/abortion/condoms.....

BEST WISHES!

Keep us updated :)

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 07-28-2014 - 7:07pm

Yea, I am thinking this is bigger than a simple BC issue.  An abortion would presumably be a joint decision within a marriage.  So I am led to believe there is something deeper going on here.

Good luck and I hope you can work through this with your DW.  

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