We've lost our sparkle for life
Find a Conversation
|Thu, 05-29-2014 - 5:12am|
So here's the issue - my husband and I have been together for 8 years and married for 1. Although we're very much in love we seem to have lost our spark and meaning for life and it's really getting me down. We're irritable, tired, lazy and can't seem to find joy in anything , go through the motions of life and sit at home watching telly.
We both work full-time and my husband works late and weekends so we don't get to spend that much time together but even when we do we can't be bothered to do anything. I think a lot of this stems from money issues in the sense that we've run up debts and don't really have any spare cash to do things - then when we do something we feel guilty and stressed for spending money we don't have.
I have hobbies but because of my husbands job he doesn't get time to do things and he doesn't have a group of friends to spend time with. Then when he is off he's very tired and has lost his drive to go out and do things, so then I feel guilty going out with my friends when he's home alone or working late which stops me doing things too. I would love to do more things together but it feels like pulling teeth sometimes getting him out to do stuff!
To be fair we've both been under a lot of stress the last few years with getting married, moving house, changing jobs and money worries. I just think it's so sad that a year into our marriage we're so unhappy with life. We're supposed to be trying for a baby but our sex life is all but non-existent and although we've talked about making more effort nothing changes and to be honest I don't want to bring a baby into an unhappy life anyway.
I suffer from depression and was pretty low early this year after the stress of a busy year plus breaking up with a best friend but I'm trying to get out of my darkness. I'm worried that my depression has rubbed off on my husband and that I'm bringing him down. He struggles to talk about his feelings and doesn't really have anyone to talk to and I don't like to talk to friends or family about my/our problems either so we just end up bottling everything up and going round in a vicious cycle. He's also not open to councselling or speaking to the Dr.
I've put on weight, lost interest in looking nice or going out with friends. I come home to an empty house and watch telly and eat. This sounds crazy but I know what I need to do to pick myself up but I feel like I'll be leaving my husband behind - like if I go away with my friends or go to the gym and eat healthily, he'll be stuck at home alone eating rubbish or at work. I don't know how to help him and by not helping him I've given up on myself.
Sometimes I think I should leave to sort myself out and hopefully he'll find himself again too. Then we can come back together as our true selves.
Please help! How can we get out of this rut, find the fun and meaning of life again and get our sparkle back?!