Affection: What is it and how much?
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|Sun, 06-20-2010 - 10:14pm|
Ok, so we aren't married yet but we've been heading that way, and now we're running into some (what I hope are) minor problems.
Basically, our issue right now is physical affection. I need kisses, hugs, cuddles, etc. And he...doesn't. He thinks I need/give too much, I think he doesn't give enough. I won't tell him he doesn't need enough, because that's not up to me to decide.
The thing I'm wondering is...are there things that he is doing that could be considered showing affection that I'm missing because it's not the way I want him to express it? I mean, there are some obvious signs of love and affection, in things such as the fact that he's willing to work to support our family (our family being him, me and my two kids from a previous marriage), and let me stay at home to take care of the house and kids. And that is a huge deal to me, which is yet another reason why this is bothering me so much...I feel so guilty wanting anything more when he is, right there, giving me so much.
So, I'm wondering...what do you all consider to be affection? Stuff like hugging, kissing, cuddling? Sex itself? Pet names? Saying I love you? All of those things, and something else? None of those things and something else entirely?
Even better, if there's a man (or a woman, even..I suppose it would be the same) who's just not a touchy-feely kinda person...how do you express to your spouse that you love and feel affection for her/him? Maybe that will make something click and I'll have that "ah-ha!" moment where I realize that he does something else that shows it.
And when it comes to affection, however you should define it...how much of it do you need? Daily? Weekly? Monthly? Yearly? Never? How often each day/week/month/year?
And, last but not least...if you have different needs for affection (one is touchy-feely, one is not, you define it differently, whatever), how do you compromise and find that middle ground where everyone is relatively happy and nobody feels forced and/or neglected? How did you work it out: did one bring up the level of affection while the other toned it down, and if so, how much? Did you just learn to accept that they would never give you the affection you desire or that they would always smother you with more than you want, and if so, how did you accept that? How did you come to terms with that?