Am I being selfish?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2009
Am I being selfish?
Thu, 01-20-2011 - 3:58pm

I just got a new job, well fairly new, and my husband makes quite a bit less than I do. Normally i wouldn't consider this an issue, okay, maybe I would, but I have never combined finances with someone before (not even in my previous marriage). He has two kids from his previous and pays over $1K in child support each month, the house we live in is in his name, he drives a BMW and it has all of the niceties. Well, I drive a decent car, but its nowhere near that. I don't pay child support and "our" money goes mainly to his I being selfish here? Gosh, I dont even know if I am making sense,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Thu, 01-20-2011 - 6:54pm

I think a bit more information about your situation would be helpful...however, with that being said, I think that if you have never combined finances before why not just consider setting up a joint account for household expenses and seperate accounts for other stuff (i.e. CS/gifts for skids etc.)...I can say that with what my SO pays out monthly there is NO way I would have a joint account with him for anything major (we do have a very small one), but it is used primarily as the account his car loan goes through....

I don't think you're being selfish at all, I make more than my SO and since I don't have the financial obligations he does, there is absolutely no way I'd be looking to combine our money.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 01-20-2011 - 8:01pm
I don't think you are being selfish.

Just curious though, what was your situation before you got M and how long have you been M? What exactly do you mean by "his" bills. If you are M, then isn't it YOUR house, too? What did you agree to when you got M about how finances would work?

Sounds like you two need to sit down and have a little pow-wow simply to look at the facts at hand. No blame or finger pointing, just a discussion.

My two cents. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Mon, 01-24-2011 - 12:43pm

Hi and welcome.

If there's one thing I learned about money and joint that even if you make a choice, it doesn't mean things wont' change.

Did you two discuss this and how it would work out prior to getting married? How were things before you got married? Did you care then? Do you care now because you feel your money is being spent on his things, all the while, you don't get the nice things either? So know that feeling, lol.

I would suggest doing the 3 accounts. Hers, His, and Ours. Use the Ours to pay all shared bills (utilities, mortgage/rent, food, etc). Use the individuals to pay for your own stuff, CS, car pmt, etc. I'm assuming your DH could afford his bills AND his niceties before you got married, so allow him to continue to pay for his nice things. You should put your fair share into the household bills, and do what you like with the leftovers. If you want to keep your "decent" car, then do so, but no getting resentful over his BMW.

I have been fighting my DH on money for the past year. We are now splitting our finances 100%. We will continue to have a joint account for household expenditures. I still feel like I'm getting the small end of the stick, but do I make him NOT be able to pay his bills, even if he created them when he has no true income? Sigh. It's not an easy decision.