AM I CRAZY?!
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|Thu, 04-04-2013 - 9:22am|
I dont have anywhere else to turn I dont have anyone close I can go to for advice I just need some unbiased perspective so please dont be hateful please. Im looking for advice not judgement.
Im 28 yrs old. I have been married twice yes thats right twice. The first was a result of my "puppy love" and teen pregnancy whom which I had my daughter w/ when I was 17. We were together all in total 3 1/2 yrs married for yr and half. My second lasted for 7 years whom I had 2 sons with. I have been the one to leave in both situations. My second marriage was an open marriage for the last 3 years. It is a long story, but needless to say neither one of the 2 guys were right for me. Now, I live with my current boyfriend we have been together for a year. He is the 100% complete opposite of any guy I have ever dated looks, personality, etc.He is amazing! He treats me like a princess. I have never been treated by anyone the way he treats me, I never even knew guys like him existed. The whole dynamic of our relationship has been nothing like my past 2 we dont fight (we disagree) but no screaming or volitile behavior at all. But here is the problem...
I am my own worst enemy. Because of my trust issues I don't know how to really be happy I guess? I'm convinced that he is only this good to me for an ulterior motive or that he is trying to "pull the wool over my eyes" so to speak. He has never given me a reason to doubt him in fact he has done the opposite even putting an app on his phone so I can put my mind at ease knowing where he is. My wheels in my head turn all the time,it causes me heartache and Im constantly having anxiety waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know this actually isn't about him that it's about me and my own insecurities. I can't ever seem to let it sink in that I would be good enough for him. I done this with my ex husband to (the 2nd) but the truth is he was not good enough, but this time I finally got it right and Im so going to screw this up. I don't know how to convince myself not to do this. I will make myself crazy obsessing about all the things that could be being hidden from me. I will just break down in tears b/c I feel like he is lying to me about loving me b/c there is no way he could feel the same way about me as I do about him. Am I crazy??